Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 17:57:10
In reply to Re: Depression is a boulder too... » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on February 28, 2005, at 16:11:36
> I know it's very forward of me to ask, but is there particular name or way you prefer to be addressed?
Nah, I don't mind - so long as it is civil ;-)
> Never had a therapist, just way to private I guess. Do you think they've helped?
Hmm. Some more than others. In my experience good therapists are hard to come by. But then I have been stuck with the public service and the form of therapy they provide is often not very well suited to me. Also they really are very overworked. I guess that means they tend to burn out faster than usual even...
> One of the hardest day for me was when I realised there was no me. There was just this collection of characters I'd created and cobbled together to enable me to get through each day with minimal externally obvious trauma.All the worlds a stage and all the men and women merely players [actors]... Not sure where this came from.. Midsummer Nights Dream???
It is hard to be so very aware of this in ones own case, though. And different people have more or less differences between their various roles..
>I have these flashes of memories of happiness but I don't know if they are real or imagined. I mean I don't know whether I was really happy or just pretending to be so someone else wouldn't be upset. Sadly I know now with absolute certainty that most of the 'happiness' I've had in relationships has been imagined and in complete denial of the truth of what was really happening. Sad, but true.
Yes... It is hard to figure what 'happiness' really is.. What it really means.. Does a two minute respite while you get caught up in watching the news or something count as the absence of pain / suffering?? What about when we are asleep?? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if we can 'delude' ourselves that we are happy. But we certainly can rework a memory of it and conclude we never were 'really' happy..
> Can you believe I gave my first spontaneous hug last Christmas.
You gave one :-)
Did it feel good??
(They get less awkward as you get used to 'em)> My depression is like a black inky ocean of despair where there is no up or down, jus this cold inky blackness.
Yeah. I get you.
> My parents dog actually saved me just after loosing Katie. Things were rapidly approaching the end but she was barking and scratching at the bedroom door and I realised that I hadn't fed her. So I did, and her total joy and happiness just broke the spell and I held her in my arms and cried for a few hours instead. I was so lucky.
Animals are great aren't they?? I used to have dogs. No more though. I found them a really good home with a lady who spoils them rotten (perhaps not tooooo good for them but I guess they are loved). They have 2 acres fully fenced to run around on. Better than I can provide for them. They need lots of room to run (I am fond of border collies). I used to do dog obedience and agility training with them. But they were getting cabin fever (developing anxious habits) on my half site section. I walked 'em twice a day but they need to be running around ALL day. I can't keep up with 'em anymore. They probably don't even remember who I am any more.
> I'm really glad that you're around too
> I'm also really, really glad that I have the chance to talk to you too. Know that there is nothing you can't ask me. There might be some things though that are just too hard to answer.Sure. Me too.
> I'm doing better and that's what matters.
yeah. And it will get better still. We have to have faith, we simply must. And when you run out then mine is still there for you, ok??
> Re the rocks. Just check that you're not standing a valley and they're rolling them at you from both sides, cause it's a real bugger when you jump out of the path of one straight into the path of the other ;-):-)
> Ah, Puppy Magee is one of Sarah's many dogsonalities. She has about a hundred names and knows them all. She also sleeps on daddy's bed - lucky girl.Ah. I understand.
Give her a hug from me.> (((((alexandra_k))))) plus a big dogs kiss.
(((Damos)))
(((Sarah)))What sort of dog is she???
poster:alexandra_k
thread:463494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050211/msgs/464564.html