Posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
I'm going to hang myself today. I'm going tp use my beautiful fogs lead on the rafters in our garage.
This will be my fifth attempt, my last attempt was seven years ago when I botched up cutting my arteries and my poor mother found me unconscious in a bathtub full of blood.
Funny thing is life is going very well for me right now, but I just can't shake my boredom and tiredness of it all.
I can't stop drinking, I can't sleep, I don't leave my house any more, I can't stop smoking weed even though I'm developing what could be described as psychosis.
I suffer from avoidance personality disorder, a hyper awareness and hyper sensitivity to even the slightest criticism.
I feel ridiculed and humiliated every time I go out and for no apparent reason.
I've stockpiled diazepam and zopiclone to numb the fear.
I'm so tired of being afraid.
I've had enough.
I just wanted to communicate this with somebody before my parents leave for work.
I just felt the need for human contact from people who understand mental torment before I go through with this.
Thank you for listening.