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!@#$%

Posted by TexasChic on April 28, 2006, at 19:23:06

In reply to Re: Today » TexasChic, posted by milly on April 27, 2006, at 9:44:01

Right before I got off work today, I heard everyone talking about going out for Cuteboy’s birthday. I went up to him and said, "What's the deal, am I not invited?" He said, "Well I knew you didn't like them..." I said, "Um, it's them who don't like me, remember?" Then he says, "Well its up to you, I won't stop you from going but..." I was like, "You won't stop me from going??!! Yeah, that makes me feel really wanted!" He starts going, "No, no, no" (or something) and I just said forget it and turned around and walked off. And he doesn't even try to talk to me! He acted like, 'oh well, that's that' or something. Actually he acted kind of pissed. I've never really seen him mad so I don't know. I can't believe I was ever stupid enough to think he gave a damn about me. God, I just really hate people right now.

I sent him an email. Yeah, I know, that has bad idea written all over it. But I felt like I'd probably never get the chance to say what I wanted to if I didn't.

Here's what I said:
I don't know when you'll read this. It doesn't really matter - I don't expect a response from you anyway.

You really hurt my feelings today. If you actually gave a damn about me you would have told me what was going on instead of letting me hear through the work grapevine that I was being left out. And then when I ask you about it you tell me you ‘won’t stop me from going???’ I think that’s the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me!

But don’t worry, I got the message loud and clear. It’d be kind of stupid of me to keep trying to be friends with someone who’s clearly not interested.

You won't be bothered by me again.
------------

I feel better after saying those things to him (even through email). The one thing I've got to do though is make myself not expect a response. I have a tendency to imagine how someone will respond to something I say, and then when they don't I get all upset. There's a very good chance he won't say anything at all. I've got to accept that. Well, I said I needed something to get over him. I guess this is it.

Anyway, I'm gradually getting calmer about this whole thing (I sobbed all the way home). I'm thinking ColdShoulderGirl may have been the one who set this outing up, which makes it a little less insulting then if he set it up and chose her over me (which was what I was thinking). And he MAY have mis-spoke when he said won’t stop me from going. But the fact that he doesn't even care enough to TRY to to talk to me about it is what's so upsetting. Its like a big neon sign saying, 'I DON'T GIVE A SH*T ABOUT YOU!! GET THE MESSAGE?'

Oh well, I have an interview Monday. Maybe it will turn out to be my dream job. I just emailed my resume last night, and he wanted me to come in today! I accidentally left my phone at home though, so I got the message after work hours. Wow, wouldn't it be cool if I got this job and was able to just tell the whole work bunch to f*ck off? I'll try not to get my hopes up, but at least I'm TRYING to make changes in my life for the better. There's got to be some normal people out there who won't hate me for no reason or freak out and throw their book in the trash or say things like "I won't stop you from going"!!!!

I know the only person who can change things is me. And I WILL do that. But first I'm going to complain and throw a tantrum for a little while. I'm in a lull right now, but if I start thinking about it I may start crying again. At least tomorrow my nephew is coming over and I won't be able to think about all that much. By Monday I should be okay I think.

He's still a bastard though. Maybe that's what I'll start calling him, BastardBoy

-T

 

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