Posted by TexasChic on April 22, 2006, at 13:03:21
In reply to Re: What a crappy day. » TexasChic, posted by milly on April 22, 2006, at 10:18:05
Wow! That website is GREAT! I just kept seeing myself described over and over. And it confirmed alot of the things I've been thinking about but was unsure of. Like the reason I seem to end up the target of bullies. Here's an exert:
The six most common reasons bullies select their targets are because of availability (wrong place, wrong time), competence (envy), popularity (jealousy), vulnerability (income and the need to pay the mortgage), emotional maturity and values, and integrity. Targets represent everything that bullies are not, and never will be.
Targets of bullying are independent, self-reliant, self-motivated, have no need to form gangs or join cliques, have no need to impress, and have no interest in office politics.Its exactly what I've been thinking all along. I get targeted because I don't want to be part of the clique and I just don't think gossiping and putting down other people is a healthy way to live. I KNOW this bully has been/is jealous of me because for a while there I seemed to be pretty popular. I could tell she couldn't stand that. I'm still pretty well liked by some of the guys, which I've also observed her displaying jealousy over. And I've always thought that when I don't go along with her talking bad about other people (or worse, take up for them), she sees it as me thinking I'm better than her.
The most intriguing part of what I read is how they explain what I went through growing up as actually bullying (my parents, esp my dad). I never thought of it in those terms because it was my parents. But I see now that's exactly what it was.
They have a section on PTSS, which verifies my suspicions that I may be suffering from that because of my childhood. I know one sign they mentioned that really stood out to me was 'being easily startled'. Everyone at work knows I startle easily and alot of them seem to go to great lengths to avoid doing so. The little old ladies I work with will say, "Oh, I was trying so hard not to startle you" after I jump when they walk up behind me and start to speak. I'm always telling them, "No its just me, I always do that for some reason".
It never occured to me that I could be suffering from PTSS because of my childhood until someone else mentioned it here on babble. Now it just seems so obvious.
I'm going to read some more and see what advise they have on how to handle things. Thanks so much everyone for your insight and encouragement. It would have been much, much more difficult for me to get through this without it.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:635629
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060422/msgs/635840.html