Posted by sunny10 on May 24, 2005, at 8:00:41
In reply to Re: interesting weekend... long » sunny10, posted by Damos on May 23, 2005, at 18:25:19
All of my feelings are just right at the surface just now... Probably not a coincidence that it is the "evil week" of the month for me.. I know, TMI...
But it might explain that yes, I actually WAS hurt about the whole surgery thing for the rest of the evening on Friday (he wasn't stretching it, it's true.). I'm STILL a little hurt by it; along with everything and everyone....
I watched tv last night. All night. And I cried during every show. Happy stuff, sweet stuff, sad stuff, angry stuff... didn't matter what the scenes were about- I was triggered.
I don't know how "to be" when I'm like this. On another thread I apparently did it again. Remember your comment about feeling that your roommate asked questions in an accusatory tone? Well, I think I did that without meaning to, also. Maybe I do it all the time. Maybe I shouldn't try to understand anyone anymore. Maybe I should just shut up, listen, and nod my head and pretend to understand. Because I don't want to be like your roommate. It comes down to not wanting to be like me, I guess.
I thought that by trying to communicate, I could understand other people and they could understand me. But I don't feel more understood by others- though I understand myself better, I guess. I now understand exactly how horrible I am. I guess that's what I've been trying to deny for the past 37 years. I didn't understand before why I didn't like myself very much, or why I felt I had to be someone else for other people to like me. Now I know.
I guess having one's questions answered isn't always a good thing. So I'm going to just shut up now.
Thanks for always listening, Damos. And for giving me the benefit of the doubt.
poster:sunny10
thread:496008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050513/msgs/502168.html