Posted by Damos on May 22, 2005, at 17:50:22
In reply to Re: long........ » Damos, posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 13:37:08
Hey Sunny10,
Sorry to be so long replying - no access to the net over the weekend.
It's always brave to stand and fight for what you believe in - no matter the outcome.
This is a hard one. firstly I have to say to say that in the last 2 & a bit years I've got much better at talking about feelings & stuff, but I 've still got a long way to go. The important thing was accepting that not doing so had done a lot of damage over the years and not only to me.
Thinking about it, what I do with my energetic healer is therapy of sorts. She helps me to speak about stuff and recognise things and work to undo and build anew where required. The funny thing is I chose her totally by intuition and the being able to talk to her is all about trust and faith and not feeling like I'm being classified as this or that and worked accordingly. It's just like 2 people talking. The other one I saw was too and she helped a lot with some relationship stuff. I also have to be honest at this point and say that nothing I have seen IRL or here really fills me with confidence about the value of 'therapy'. I think a while back I said my GP & the P-doc I saw agreed that I would get no value out of therapy until I decided I'd get value out of it. To say I would never go is too strong, because I sense a day not too far off when I will.
Sorry, back to what you were saying to Dinah. Yes I think scripting plays a huge part, and it's really hard to want someone to be different after 25 years. I don't honestly believe that changing our behaviour will fundamentally change the other person, it may provide the opportunity for them to act and respond differently, but who they are doesn't change. In my own case, my housemate comes at me with the same stuff over and over and over and gets the same response over and over and over - but never tries any other way, even though my response is "you know I don't respond well to that." Go figure. A different tack or approach surely can't hurt. I'm not getting at what I'm trying to say - it's a face-to-face conversation not a written response thing. Sorry. But I do kind of agree with what you said to Dinah we can get stuck in ruts in the ways we speak and interact with each other and it happens across the specturm of human interractions. Damn it, I'll go back and print it off and try and give you a better answer.
Sunny, hope you didn't get the wrong message about the testing kit thing. What I was trying to say was that I probably wouldn't have done it because of how it would make me feel about me and how I'd got to this point. He gave up his right to privacy a) when he repeated lied & used b) when he hurt you phyically. Your self protection comes first, last and always. As I said before I've never been in you shoes and don't know how I'd be in your place so I'm not judging you in any way. You do what you feel you need to okay. In his place I probably would have submitted to the tests because proving myself to you and regaining your trust would have been so important.
I can only imagine what it's like to be loved so much and by someone who is willing to do so much to make things work. I hope he knows how lucky he is - I really do.
Damos
poster:Damos
thread:496008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050513/msgs/501313.html