Posted by 10derHeart on May 10, 2005, at 1:46:54
In reply to Re: I'm sorry ***TRIGGER?** » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Shy_Girl on May 10, 2005, at 1:11:34
jenny,
It's okay. I think Gabbi was just giving you some information, plain and simple. To help you to help others get their needs met, too. Like we all have to learn IRL every day, IMO. Which on Babble can sometimes be to choose not to read about certain things. That's all. Maybe try to give it a different name, and that will help. Helps me sometimes. Instead of criticism, how about assistance, guidance, help or direction? Better that way, isn't it? You know one reason why? Because others wouldn't give any of these things (which are all good, even if a little uncomfortable) to someone they didn't care about, or want to help get along in the world easier or better. Like Gabbi just did with trigger warnings on Babble. Now you know, just like all of us once didn't know, and then we knew. If we can just take away some of the emotional stuff there, that's really all that happened.
But you know, I really, really did understand what you wrote about the sudden, devastating effect of criticism or what's worse, *seeming* criticism. I get that too, sometimes. I'll feel defensive and like crying, or maybe hiding or running away. Or even angry and don't know who I'm angry with! I definitely want to call myself names, like stupid, etc. All over someone saying the littlest thing to me. It's almost as if I have to be absolutely perfect. I have to know everything, whether or not there's any way I could have known it. I have to do everything exactly right, every minute. I have to be perfect. I can never be different. I have to conform. Is is sort of like that for you?
Should, should, should. See all the "shoulds" when we slip into that thinking? Isn't it almost silly when we looking calmly and rationally at it later? But not funny when it happens, 'cause it scares me - it's so extreme, and it really hurts.
If someone points out just some small thing, a suggestion, a change that might help, in the nicest way possible, I can still feel awful and like a failure. I've learned to spot this more often and even stop it sometimes. But that ability took a LONG time and lot of self-obversation, self-talk and hours of thinking.
I'm not sure where it comes from with me. I'm trying, with my T. to figure it all out. But you are not alone.
And you haven't done anything awful to anyone. We know you are struggling. Bravely, may I add.
But please, do try to gather together posts, or practice a visit to a new doc (great post, octopusprime!) while you'll feeling happier and better. Because I think you see yourself now it cycles, and when you get agitated, the negativity will not maybe allow you to do what's helpful for you. Try to push past that "oh, it's silly," feeling. I know it's hard.Like YOU said - you ARE going to make it. Give yourself a hug for me, okay? I think you're doing great because you are fighting for yourself.
poster:10derHeart
thread:494526
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/495890.html