Posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 14:08:05
In reply to all right, i'm gonna share..:) » Shy_Girl, posted by alesta on May 11, 2005, at 2:49:44
Hi Amy
>..anyway, what i'm driving at is that the disorder, for me, fell by the wayside over time..i no longer cut..haven't in about 8 years..
Congratulations! Thanks so much for sharing this...it gives me much hope to know it can be overcome. :o)
I've stopped the cutting (actually more like scratching with a xxx) part of my SI. I never liked to draw xxx. Seeing xxx as a result of a cut now actually makes me faint! My mom faints too...think it's genetic. Once in a while I still get the urge to harm...but I think I'm less impulsive about it now. I also have a bit of trichotillomania...I like to pluck out hairs everywhere except my head...sometimes it leads to scars when I dig to get the hair out.
>but i was constantly *working on myself*..i made it my priority..no therapists, just me figuring me out..(i'm not saying that you shouldn't seek therapy by any means...i think it's something you need to work through...
Yes, I do admit that a lot of my problems are psychological...I do need to find *myself*. I find that a lot of the time I take on the personality/view/etc. of the people I'm with. There are some very insightful articles I found at:
http://www.borderlinepersonality.ca/1999masterbpdarticleindex.htm
>i don't think you should always just jump at a med for every problem..you need to change your cognitions, your way of being in the world..just my opinion..others are free to disagree.
You make some very good points about this...you are living proof that one can get over BPD without meds or therapy. I know that my feelings are very situation dependent. Changing the way I think is probably the most effective "treatment" for me. Meds may or may not work, if they help, it would be nice...esp. to prevent great self harm...but I know that ultimately it is up to me to change.
> the reason i had the disorder, i believe, is b/c my mother would not let me have an identity of my own..thereby creating the emptiness i felt.
I personally believe that parenting has a lot to do with this disorder. I'm not saying we had bad parents...just our parents had good intentions and just didn't know how to do any better.
I think I'm the way I am because I never had a truly safe secure attachment to my mom. I was always afraid that she would abandon me. I needed a lot more comfort and security than she provided. There was never any abuse...more often it was neglecting my feelings or sending mixed messages. For example...in my culture, people sometimes make very special soups from strange things such as deer antlers that are supposed to be very good for us. Once when I was little I refused to drink the soup. My mom got SO angry! She locked me outside the house...I was only about 5 or so I think. I was screaming, crying and begging to be let back in. The truth was that my mom wanted me to drink the soup because she loved me but the way I saw it, she was punishing me and didn't love me. I wished for kidnappers to come and take me away. I remember self-harming as a child...nothing serious though.
> ... a med may or may not help...time will also help. let's not forget time.:)
Yes, time...it gives me great hope to know that many people with BPD get much better in their 30s and 40s. I just have to survive until then :o)
> ... my suicidality at this time is due to severe depression, a normal reaction to the unrelenting series of crises and traumas i have faced as of late. i may have some PTSD as well..)You're a very strong person to have gotten past BPD. Life has been very hard for you, but I have a feeling you're going to make it. You're an incredible person you know...you deserve the very best in life. You gotta give yourself a big hug :o)
> hope it might help that i shared that..:)
Yes, that helped a lot Amy. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
You take care of yourself as well
jenny
poster:Shy_Girl
thread:494526
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/496465.html