Posted by octopusprime on August 6, 2004, at 11:31:58
In reply to Re: starting over, posted by ghost on August 6, 2004, at 11:14:58
ghost:
that's really kind of interesting that you strongly identified with the labels of "guilt" and "grief" i used ... that was just a way to relate my own experience to you ... but if you find it helpful to stick a name on a feeling, more power to you
i can't say if you're doing the wrong thing or not. in the wisdom of the tragically hip, a fine canadian band, perhaps you are "looking for a place to happen / making stops along the way"
trying to set up a life by yourself is perhaps the most difficult thing i can imagine (the only thing harder would be doing it when you have kid(s)). i felt miserable trying to do it. but it doesn't mean it's not worth doing, that i did the wrong thing, that you're doing the wrong thing.
there's also a little decision calculus behind it: of all the choices i could have *realistically* made in the last little while to get me to this point, which is the least bad? after a little decision analysis, i find i usually take the least bad choice (or one of the least bad choices, which fuels a whole other bout of indecision ...)
so maybe you just haven't got to the happy/on top of the world part yet. maybe you are just laying the groundwork, setting things up. maybe this time you will fly higher then you've ever flown. who knows.
(i wish i could write this part in tiny text ... sometimes though when i get to the top of the world i tend to fall off. i fly too high and then i make problems. i guess it's a bipolar tendency. bottom out then fly too high and burn the wings ... nine inch nails says "flew too high and burned the wings/lost my faith in everything". "so it goes" says kurt vonnegut. this probably doesn't make any sense either.)
poster:octopusprime
thread:374511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040802/msgs/374693.html