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just can't hold on

Posted by lepus on February 7, 2004, at 16:28:42

I just can't do this any longer. It has been 19 years and things have just gotten worse. In the last week things have just gotten worse. The meds don't work, never have it seems and I am just too tired to keep up with this. I can't even get myself to the doctor anymore. I am alone except family and a few distant friends but I just can't live for them anymore I don't even think. I am in debt that I will never be able to get out of. I started getting sick at 11 so a normal life is one I have never had. I had about 9 months of one and that was taken from me too. Never finished college despite being accepted and attending some of the best. Now I have no money and if I ever work again it will be at some dead end job. Any lover I have had has left me and I still want one back so bad I can't stand it. I am just done. I am too tired and just can't handle it anymore. I know I need to call someone but I just can't. They can't fix the things that are so horribly wrong in my life. I have no appetite. I haven't showered in two days. If I call I will just get "The drugs take time".

When can we give in? When do we have the right to say, "I have had enough"? Nobody takes mental illness seriously anyway, not like cancer or anything. If you complain you are just exhibiting your illness.

I'm not alone. I have no immediate means. I am just tired and see nothing left. Nothing to look forward to to get me out of bed. Days and days of nothing for my lifetime it seems.


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poster:lepus thread:310619
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040131/msgs/310619.html