Posted by nickm on October 24, 2003, at 9:53:56
In reply to Re: Dumped and Depressed » Phil, posted by shrimp on October 20, 2003, at 22:58:30
I hear you, and understand your pain and feelings. I've been through similar situations, and though I've always pretended to be strong, and put up a front, I've been hurt like you when I was twenty, and later on in life, even when I was fifty six and found a woman I really thought was my soulmate.
We all have this little voice that talks about never letting go of the idealized boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, etc. The truth is, there are tons of people out there who are a better match for each of us. The monogamous view that we only have one ideal mate is false, a product of our western society, of our religious views. We are taught that we're nothing without that idealized mate.
The truth is, happiness is inside us not outside. Locus of control is important. Self-esteem must be built up.
I've gone through all the unahappiness you describe. I even wrote a novel (out next Fall) about a man who forever seeks a perfect mate, not knowing that acting like Don Quixote, seeing a Dulcinea in every woman he met, is not very healthy. King Arthur was naive, as was Sir Lancelot, as was Guiniviere. The truth is they were all humans, and each human may like and love many. The trick is how to stay faithful once you give your heart (love, soul) to one.
Fight off those low self-esteem blues, trust yourself, and accomplish a lot, and Jiminy Crickett will find the way for you. Life is a series of downfalls, with some happy moments. Make the best of the happy moments, learn to deal with the downfalls, and enjoy the journey.
Don't believe songs like "Some Enchanted Evening," unless it really hits you. If it does, enjoy it, if it doesn't work out, learn from it, and you'll grow...
With best wishes,
Nickm
poster:nickm
thread:24756
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/272682.html