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Re: Do everything Phil says... » wendy b.

Posted by shrimp on October 20, 2003, at 23:14:28

In reply to Re: Do everything Phil says... » KB, posted by wendy b. on May 28, 2002, at 8:31:59

Wendy,

I just read the email you sent KB, i have been in a horrific situation, it's in my prior posting, for 4 years, and it is coming to an awful head, i have kept going back and back because a little love was better than none, even among all the hurt and pain. But i feel like the pain is never going to go away, i thought he loved me i really did, i finally felt like i had some sort of safety and security for the first time in my life, i had been sexually abused and had some really bad relationships in my early twenties. this guy was the first one that was nice to me, and i keep clinging. i don't have any support, he was my best friend and my lover, do you mind if i email you, he is making me feel crazy, and i can feel the depression coming back, which makes it all worse, i can't go back to where i was the last time he hurt me. i don't have a healthy reference point, he makes me feel like a horrible person, and now i want a family so badly, but i am afraid i will never have one now. how can i go into a relationship as a normal woman when i have been so damaged from this one? And the worst is, i don't even trust my judgement any more. how do i know if someone loves me? how do i know if my feelings about their love are right, or if it is just wishful thinking? Sorry i am so long winded but i don't have any sort of outlet, the lonliness is so intense. should i up my medicine? my doctor said no but i can feel myself slipping, and i had just found happiness, for one month of my life i felt like i wasn't on the outside looking in.

Shrimpie
> KB:
>
> At least he bought you sushi! (Kidding...)
>
> I think Phil has a lot of wisdom to share, based as he says, on experience. He is right about everything. If the guy is messing around on you, and you permit that, then he has the upper hand, and you can't let that go on into the future as a couple that has supposedly broken up. You are going to need a lot of strength to let him go, because he WILL call you to f___ around while he's with the new woman. I guarantee it. And what are you going to say? When it happened to me, I slept with my sort-of-ex because I told myself I still loved him, and I thought his wanting sex meant he still loved me, too. I was very wrong. In fact, the reverse was true, he never loved me. If he had, he wouldn't have treated me that way... Same would hold true for your guy.
>
> It will take a while for the sting and the hurt to go away, and I'm sorry for you for that. Please write to us again, as often as you want. If you need my e-mail, I can send it...
>
> Take care of yourself,
>
> Wendy
>
>
> > Last night, over sushi, my boyfriend of 9 months dumped me. He says he met someone new and even though he loves me he doesn't think marrying me would work out - wants someone more "conventional", he says. I'm especially hurt because he's doing for this new woman something he would never do for me - be monogamous - he was seeing another woman for most of our relationship.
> >
> > I know he's a selfish jerk, but I"m still really upset -last night I cried for hours and then got drunk (I don't drink). If I had had anything worth overdosing on I probably would have.
>
>


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