Posted by Harvester of Eyes on October 5, 2003, at 21:33:44
In reply to Please help me understand my husband, posted by JJC on October 2, 2003, at 15:50:28
I haven't seen anyone step back from the depression issue and start with his apparent anger.
Many men go silent when angry, and eventually it starts leaking out in a dribble of condemnation and despair. A helpful partner will try not to be rattled by the yuck coming out and keep coaxing out more of the pent-up emotion until peace is achieved.
When there is a big backlog of anger, it is a long process that repeats periodically. Sometimes couples learn to confront it pre-emptively by setting aside time to discuss and experience emotions.
Many of us make the mistake of regarding anger and sadness as negative emotions, because they feel bad. Really, they are just the sensations we feel as our minds process various events. They feel scary, but we can learn to recognize them as valuable friends, tools to help us regulate the pressure inside our minds.
His anger apparently goes way, way back. He probably views himself as an angry man. Altering this view and experiencing life as a feeling man will benefit both of you.
I regret if there is a lecturing tone to my post; my own emotional conviction about the issue may be seeping in.
Best wishes to you both.
poster:Harvester of Eyes
thread:264954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/265798.html