Posted by horrid monster on May 6, 2003, at 2:53:18
In reply to The Living Dead, posted by magic potion on May 4, 2003, at 20:05:06
> The thing that scares me is that people who post here are all on a different level than I am. I think my group can't get out of bed.
This is a good day if i can get up and turn my computer on. ...you got that far. I mean that - that's big. I know you did it cause i read your post.> Everyone here vocalizes what has them down;
(Insert long yodel here) (Or better yet - tarzan cry)
no not all of us - some of us can only respond to others and are unable to say yeah, me too. (Me)>Describes their medicinal trials in a very self aware manner; supports each other. The fact that you are all sharing your feelings puts you light years ahead of me.
Congrats - you just did it too.
>I don't even know what my feelings are, for the most part.
I think you're pretty clear at communicating a feeling i recognize really clearly. Very familiar. I know it as the why f-ing bother, nothing matters mode.
> Is there anyone out there who doesn't have the will to live? Do they sell a pill that makes you care about life?maybe not to care about life as you see it right now but to help you to see areas where you might experience something beyond the why bother mode.
>
> I have a prescription for Lexapro but why bother filling it? Why should I trick myself into thinking that my life is good when it isn't?It isn't that it tricks you into feeling anyway beyond what you feel - for me meds helped me to see more choices. Helped me to deal more clearly with why bother as a real question as oppossed to a philosophy. With meds i am more able to find reasons to bother. I have found meds gave me the capability to get much more from therapy. I'm still far from "Happy" or whatever fake weird thing you might fear drugs will cause. I'm very much me, with all the same beliefs and frustrations - just able to see it all a bit more clearly and over time to find joy - real joy - in moments when i least expect. and these moments are rare and fleeting but i am learning what it's like to have those moments.
This is sounding a bit too polyanna-ish for my taste - sorry. I say in answer to why bother -because it's worth the bother. really.
Having said that - and at the risk of getting moved to the meds board - when you do (If you do, which i hope you do) take the lexipro - first read up on the side effects others have had. Some folks went through adjustments that it might help to know about before hand. For some this adjustment was mild, for others not. For some it went away quickly, for others not. For me i tried many many (many)meds before i decided on what worked for me. It was a horrible year of trial and error and oh man...just hard. Very hard. And easy to now say that it was worth it. How quickly we forget the oh so lovely side effects of trial and error(s). You might be one of the ones whom i envy: one who finds the med that works for you right away. It really really is worth finding out. Change is scary and very powerful. Dealing with depression means being willing to experience change.
I don't know what the hell i'm saying - and if any of this means anything and i'm crying and falling apart just writing it all - but hey - a couple of years ago i don't know that i could have written it at all.
Also - it's a heck of a lot easier to write to somebody else about their questions then it is to write about myself. That's my next step - writing about how messed up i am. You've already passed me by a lot and so see - that's how come why bother: so you can help me through! and the next and the next and so on.
> Regarding CBT (what recent research shows works for depression)...it's too much work for depressed people. Who are they kidding? I'm not going to write down s*#t. I can barely get out of bed and these goofballs think homework will help me. Apparently, they've mistaken me for someone who cares.
>
> They (CBTers) want to teach you to question your faulty logic...well, if yesterday was horrible and last week was horrible...and last year was horrible....and five years ago my life was horrible, wouldn't it be logical, then, to assume that the rest of my life will be horrible, too?
>
> I can't see how counseling will change my life.
> It isn't my perception that sucks; it's my reality.sometimes - not always - but sometimes reality and perception are the same thing - and that is when therapy helps. If my perception is limited by my depression (for me this is true) then as i shift my perception my reality shifts. and more choices appear for me. I love therapy for this but it IS a lot of work - and it's not easy. The meds help me be able to do the therapy.
> My heart is beating and I have brain activity, but I am not truly living. I am sitting in my room rotting away. This is the life God has planned for me.says who?
> What do pdocs do when you will not do anything to help yourself? All I want is for them to fix my external reality, not to play head games and fake me into believing that life is good.
>
> Is there hope for people who don't care? Or is that when they strap you up and shock you?nah, that's when they give you prescriptions for fun drugs like lexapro and you get to compare your side effects to all your buddies on the list serve.
for a really good time go back and read some of the past posts on the meds board.keep posting. -Horrid Monster
poster:horrid monster
thread:224324
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/224626.html