Posted by nhg on May 10, 2003, at 14:20:32
In reply to Re: The Living Dead, posted by magic potion on May 7, 2003, at 19:49:35
> I just feel like it was all a big mistake...As if he made a decision based on limited information. He took a snapshot of a few bad years of his life...he didn't have a full perspective.
>
> It is incredibly painful. The pain caused by him taking his life is beyond description. I think it took 20 years off my aunt's life. She is 'in the know' of a pain so great and she can never go back.
>I'm sorry to hear you lost your cousin. How you describe your aunt is how i imagine my mother and i just can't do that to her. sometimes i wonder what i will do when i lose her...
And i know that some days i look back on how i felt only 48 hours before and it terrifies me. i look back and i remember every detail of how i felt, but it is almost like a book i read or a movie i saw - not something i really felt. i try to remember this when i feel like giving up. sometimes it's really hard to remember.
>
>Much of my counseling has been rehashing the painful past...I've got my dysfunctional biography written down now so that I don't have to keep repeating it. It bores me. I just hand it over to each new pdoc after I shake his or her hand. (I jest, by the way)
So true! I dread starting over with a new person - telling my story all over again from the beginning. I'm like, "didn't you get the cliff's notes?"Your suggestion to help others isn't a stupid idea. it's actually a really good one. i do work - i work hard and i don't make much money - i guess i just feel that my life has been easy. i feel like i have no excuse to sit around feeling sorry for myself when i see so much more ligitimate causes of pain in the world. it seems self-indulgant to feel sorry for myself. and then i feel bad that i'm self-indulgant, so then i feel worse!!
>
> It's such a vicious cycle...I withdraw from my friends because I'm depressed...they stop calling me...then I feel lonely and I get more depressed. My behavior--and I'd never admit this to the pdoc--is contributing to my problems.I absolutely can relate to this. i do the same thing.
thank you :-)
poster:nhg
thread:224324
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/225597.html