Posted by Kath on October 29, 2002, at 15:33:46
In reply to feelin' sexually frustrated/gf in therapy, posted by bookgurl99 on October 23, 2002, at 23:59:03
I think I'd feel betrayed if I were in that situation. In actual fact, I suspect that the situation is a reflection of how safe & respected she feels with you!
Sexual abuse issues are ENORMOUS. There's a book that might be of great help to you. It's called "Allies in Healing" (When the Person You Love was Sexually Abused as a Child) - "A Support Book for Partners" It is by Laura Davis, a co-author of a most amazing book on sexual abuse - "The Courage to Heal".
Allies in Healing is extremely easy to read & a large portion of it consists of partners' quesitons & then answers to them & discussions of issues. I suspect that issues other than "let's not have sex" might arise during the therapy. Having access to this type of book might really help you!
The copy I have was published in 1991 by Harper Perennial (Division of HarperCollins) Publisher.
Best of luck, Kath
PS - also, your local library might be able to obtain the book for you.
PSS - maybe you can set up "safe" touching - both of you knowing what the boundaries are. For those of us who were sexually abused, it can be very hard to be sensual without being afraid that the other person will interpret it as an invitation to be sexual. This is an issue that I have to deal with as a "survivor" of sexual abuse.
Warm thoughts, Kath
> I've been feeling really sexually frustrated lately. My girlfriend is in therapy dealing with sexual abuse issues and has said that we need to stop having sex for a while. I thought that I could deal with that, but she has been treating me like I'm a big pervert if I even give her a squeeze. Meanwhile, she give me mixed messages by acting sexy sometimes and then pulling away when I respond.
> What is up with this? I feel like I'm gonna die if I don't have sex sometime soon. Plus I'm scared --- we just moved in together a couple of months ago, and I'm scared that we'll just end up another lesbian couple that gets fat and rarely has sex.
> I am really pissed. We've been together over a year and have had good sex up until now. Now, recently, I've fallen in love with her and proven my commitment -- and this is my reward. She starts dealing with her abuse issues in therapy and suddenly I'm cut off.
> I feel so frustrated. I love her, but I wish I could have sex with someone else to have my needs met. (I brought this up and she was really hurt by the idea, and told me I'd end up living somewhere else if I acted out on the plan. So, bad idea.)
> What the hell?
> book "sticky fingers" gurl99