Posted by ~Alii~ on October 25, 2002, at 1:44:14
In reply to feelin' sexually frustrated/gf in therapy, posted by bookgurl99 on October 23, 2002, at 23:59:03
bookgurl99,
If this is the woman that you love why not make an effort on your part to try to understand what *she* is going through? There are hundreds of books available on sexual abuse; some very broad in scope and other quite specific to the type of abuse, the age the abuse took place, etc.
I hear you saying that your are frustrated that your needs aren't being met and that you're angry. Is there a possibility of you talking to a professional regarding these feelings? Or perhaps even seeing if your gf and her therapist think it might be helpful for you to attend one of her sessions?
If my partner had said to me that she/he would want to seek sex elsewhere due to my not being able to meet her/his needs because of my therapeutic goal (healing from sexual assault) I would be soooooo insulted.
I guess I'm just wishing you would try to consider approaching this from the other side of things and see where she is coming from. She is obviously in need of a lot of loving support right now. Try to see if you can't educate yourself in ways of supporting her without putting your needs on the back burner. It is just as important for you to take care of yourself at this time.
And as far as the other suggestions in this thread regarding toys....go for it. Self pleasuring isn't the same as partner action but it can be a very enjoyable and loving thing to do for yourself.
Take care of you and think about how much you are willing to do to help take care of your gf. I sense a lot of resentment and anger in your post.
The above is just my opinion and first thoughts on reading your post.
I wish both you and your gf peace on this difficult journey ahead.
Namaste.
~~Alii
>>>>>I've been feeling really sexually frustrated lately. My girlfriend is in therapy dealing with sexual abuse issues and has said that we need to stop having sex for a while. I thought that I could deal with that, but she has been treating me like I'm a big pervert if I even give her a squeeze. Meanwhile, she give me mixed messages by acting sexy sometimes and then pulling away when I respond.
What is up with this? I feel like I'm gonna die if I don't have sex sometime soon. Plus I'm scared --- we just moved in together a couple of months ago, and I'm scared that we'll just end up another lesbian couple that gets fat and rarely has sex.
I am really pissed. We've been together over a year and have had good sex up until now. Now, recently, I've fallen in love with her and proven my commitment -- and this is my reward. She starts dealing with her abuse issues in therapy and suddenly I'm cut off.
I feel so frustrated. I love her, but I wish I could have sex with someone else to have my needs met. (I brought this up and she was really hurt by the idea, and told me I'd end up living somewhere else if I acted out on the plan. So, bad idea.)What the hell?
book "sticky fingers" gurl99<<<<<
poster:~Alii~
thread:31584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021022/msgs/31645.html