Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2002, at 15:50:03
In reply to Re: A little hint for Jay..., posted by jay on August 30, 2002, at 13:50:30
LOL
I wasn't advising that you play games or pretend you're not interested. What a bore that would be.
What I'm saying is that relationships are like friendships. Serious ones anyway. I have no advice for you on how to pick up girls.
But if you're looking for a life partner, it's like finding a friend. First you find people that have qualities you like, then you get to know them a bit better, then eventually you start thinking about permanent questions like. Is this person one who I really admire and want to be with? Is this person one I want to raise my kids. Are this person's flaws ones I want to go home with every night. After all, you can leave friends. Significant others you're stuck with.
So you can't just go around looking for a woman, as if we're all interchangeable. Look for people you like, spend time with people you like, and you will find someone right for you.
And coming on too strong too quickly might flatter some women, but it will scare most of them, because the smart ones will know that you can't want THEM that quickly because you don't know them yet.
You know, I practice my social skills here on the board. There's no reason you can't practice your attraction skills here. The sort of flirting Roo was talking about in the above thread isn't game playing. It's looking at who people are and really, genuinely appreciating something about them. You can practice it with the ladies here (even the married ones) and the men too. :)
And you might want to bring it to therapy too, Jay. It seems to be making you unhappy, and therapy might give you some perspective on dating.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being honest or being you. You seem like a nice person.
Just putting out something for you to think about?
P.S. Jay, how did you get the idea that I was asking you to play games, when what I suggested was that you appreciate a woman for who they are and not just for the fact that they have two X chromsomes?
poster:Dinah
thread:29566
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29624.html