Posted by sar on September 29, 2001, at 2:48:47
i've always been too depressed and distracted to keep track of (sometimes irregular) cycle. but right now i'm boalted, cramping, and obsessed with thoughts of going to the 24-hr Home Depot to buy the silky kind of rope.
i thought i was doing okay until yesterday. i was lying exactly where i wanted to be, my new boy's bed, reading words from the Dali Lama, dressed to the 9's and ready to drink, yet all i wanted to do was lay there FOREVER and die, cut into my skin, cut cut cut, i've never been a cutter but this PMS shit is for real now, it's not just moody crying but suicidal sobbing and craving for slitted wrists, oh i feel so bad psoting this, but for the first time the idea of cutting my wrists doesn't bother me, and i'm pleased that i know how to do it up right, vertically and all, oh oh oh...
pms...
or mood?
cool slit i wanna be ashes i wanna be ashes in the ocean rather than growing up i've peter-pan syndrome i can't stand up i can't can't can't stand up alone i want to whisper and walk barefoot for a reason, do you find being an adult fulfilling? to me it seems full if suicidal challenges, alcoholism, workaholism, annoying kids, wrinkles, accounting i can't can't do it i can't
my gut hurts like nothing else, i think it's coming & that's why i'm all emotional and shit but how, how to gt through the next few days
'cos i think of silky white rope all day. isn't it pathetic? dramatic? why write abput it?
shite.
poster:sar
thread:11893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010927/msgs/11893.html