Posted by susan C on September 12, 2001, at 21:03:57
In reply to Re: bitch...everyone, posted by Krazy Kat on September 12, 2001, at 20:10:07
You HAVE been PEEKING in my windows...
considering what has been going on, I have been doing pretty good. I actually got to my limit a couple of times today, once talking to someone about something complicated...and my brain stopped, and the other, walking home from an appt, there on a power pole was a sign...literally, a hate crime sign, in MY TOWN... I got so angry, I tore it down and stuffed it in my pocket...then I thought I will throw it away, then I thought I will take it home and show it to son. After we talked about it I said, I can't let this go uncounted. It can go 'unnoticed' but not uncounted...It took me a while to figure out who to call, first I called the newspaper, to find the human rights task force, who said for me to call the police and they would decide if it was important. So, finally the police, they said, bring it down now...bring it down now...I hopped on the bus in ten minutes and turned it in...it was impounded...kind of felt like it was a stray dog...but I did it all. I made a contribution to law, order and the American Way.
Jane, I think, commented yesterday on how she defended women who wear the dark muslim dress from racial yelling in her neighborhood. I would like to think, if someone had yelled this at someone, I would have had the courage to stand up for a muslim and protect their rights...no vigilantism, no taking the law into our own hands. Just letting them know hate is not appropriate.
So, My hands are shaking, but I am clear and feel even and now need to go eat.
Mouse out on a limb
Susan C>
> > Krazy Kat--
> >
> > I related to your post the most because I've got those 2 distinctive personalities that you describe...
>
> === My pdoc's first "diagnosis" was Mood Disorder, Not Otherwise Described, Mulitple Personality Disorder... ???
>
> and what would a Taoist say? i think a taoist would say: "do nothing, don't try, integration will happen in its own time, at the right time, naturally."
>
> === Yes, I think you're right. But it's so difficult going back and forth. I'm starting to realize that even though I feel more stable, I'm still doing that, and I think I always will. But if the line between the two just isn't SO squiggly.
> >
> > my loss of self on meds has been wonderful--i've lost my nervousness and recurrent suicidiality and gained laughter and a sense of wellness...
>
> === Good! But that's more a loss of bad mojo...
>
> but i'm somewhat apathetic and unyielding...
>
> === I've noticed apathy as well.
>
> the past doesn't grasp my heart so dearly anymore, which is a relief (for now)--
>
>
> === Loss of passion? Loss of raw passion, perhaps?
>
> the meds have toned down my emotionality but they've also made me--pointless? maybe someone else can describe this better?
>
>
> === Yeah, but, if we can't accomplish anything because of the suicidal urges, the limitations caused by the depression and/or mania, then it's pointless not to take something. I would give it time. And you might find that a stabilizer helps. Or, go the other way, and lower your AD... I'm not sure.
>
> i no longer feel like gasping dying drunk--instead, i feel like an eat-3-meals-a-day-worker-dater but not fully whole--i lack so much fabric of being somehow...
>
> === Ah, they've made you one of "them" - one of those nice worker, social people. :) Again, I would give the fabric of being thing time. And you may not be cut out for the 9:00 - 5:00 world. I know I'm not. I'm avoiding it like a plague while I try to decide what to do.
>
> -K. (I feel so guilty for giving up "Kingfish". See, it's that multiple personality thing again.)
poster:susan C
thread:11075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11278.html