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bitch...everyone

Posted by sar on September 11, 2001, at 23:23:25

In reply to False bravado replaced by true sense of self, posted by Krazy Kat on September 10, 2001, at 9:12:23

dear yall,

thanks for all the pro-bitch responoses!

i've given alot of thought to it, to one friendship in particular, with a very outspoken guy who called me "kiddo"...we were very close for 9 years until my perdition/healing....i recently mulled over the past 9 years and realized that the dynamic of our relationship disgusted me, i'd been more like his submissive fan, and when i got better and started standing up to him he accused me of being a crazy bitch, irrational, etc...and months later, i'm still proud of having politely mailed links to narcissistic personality-disorder websites to him (vengeful and bitchy, yes, but i've never enough said what's on my mind--and after 9 years i figured, what the hell--)...

celebrate the inner bitch...ha ha, that's what the books in the self-help section should say, i'm already an innerchild, i need an inner bitch, probably!

Krazy Kat--

I related to your post the most because I've got those 2 distinctive personalities that you describe...and what would a Taoist say? i think a taoist would say: "do nothing, don't try, integration will happen in its own time, at the right time, naturally."

my loss of self on meds has been wonderful--i've lost my nervousness and recurrent suicidiality and gained laughter and a sense of wellness...but i'm somewhat apathetic and unyielding...the past doesn't grasp my heart so dearly anymore, which is a relief (for now)--the meds have toned down my emotionality but they've also made me--pointless? maybe someone else can describe this better? i no longer feel like gasping dying drunk--instead, i feel like an eat-3-meals-a-day-worker-dater but not fully whole--i lack so much fabric of being somehow...

sar


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