Posted by garnet71 on April 28, 2009, at 20:49:49
In reply to neivity and intelligence, posted by am3ma on April 28, 2009, at 20:08:45
Well it's hard to tell from just a few small paragraphs, but it reminds me of someone I know. See if you can relate to this at all.
It can be an indiction of self-defeating behavior and/or being in denial. You know better, but you let something happen to you (though not conscious of it); sort of pretending like you didn't know better. When a person is in denial, they often don't recognize this.
An example of self-defeating behavior that can make one appear naive: You need a new furnace so you call a contractor to come out and give you an estimate. The contractor advertises all over the place, and you assume they are ok. The next day, your neighbor, who noticed the truck in your driveway, comes over and warns you that was the same contractor from whom they recently purchased their central air system from, and they got ripped off. If you were not 'naive', you'd check, ask questions, and get 2 other estimates. Instead, you hire this contractor justifying to yourself, with thoughts like this running through your head "the guy seemed nice; the guy seemed honest; the price was what I expected, I heard they did a good job for someone else...etc." So you don't get the other estimates and hire the contractor despite the warning from your neighbor. The contractor comes to your house to install the furnace, and although the contractor's pattern of sales and installation behavior is similar to how your neighbor got ripped off, you don't question them, and you end up getting ripped off too. With self-defeating behavior, you unconsciously set yourself up as a "victim".
Sometimes people have a self-esteem so low--they create their own perpetual victimization to "justify" their worth; their existence. If they were not being victimized, they would be invisible, worthless.
Or-for another scenario--you could be scared the contractor would get upset if you stood up for yourself, and not wanting to be 'rejected' by the person, you unconsciously ignore what's going on as you get ripped off. I don't know if this is the case with you personally, but I've observed this trait in people who are in denial or people who don't want to unconsciously 'make waves' (stand up for themselves when something is wrong) in fear of being rejected or not liked by the other person.
So despite being intelligent, you get yourself in stupid situations.
Or I could be totally off; maybe you are intelligent, but just not 'street smart'. Or maybe you are too trusting, assuming everyone is as benevolent as you are, for example.
Either way, you might want to read up on "self-defeating behavior" - I think that goes hand in hand with intelligent people who are perceived to be naive. Just my personal opinion as an observor of people. Great you are searching for answers. :-)
poster:garnet71
thread:893350
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/893357.html