Posted by Fivefires on May 25, 2009, at 12:11:28
In reply to Re: neivity and intelligence, posted by am3ma on April 29, 2009, at 17:27:55
> Thanks everyone.
> Perhaps the emotions I'm currently experiencing can open the window to my problem a little further.
> Firstly, I don't take constructive personal attention lightly. I'm tearful because of the openness and empathy you've all shown toward my plight. (In contrast, when approached negatively, I deal with it there and then>We are usually limited to this in a workplace. Do you NOT say, to those who speak wrongly to you in the wkplace, 'I would appreciate it very much if you would speak to me in a more professional manner', or something of the sort? I did. I lost the job, but I don't attribute it just to this. It had to be said. Someone would have said it sooner or later. In hindsight, who she was on the outside was not real, and I'd not have enjoyed working there, eventually, anyway.
There is no excuse for an employer or even a person ranking above you, to be unprofessional and w/o a basic understanding of tact and the knowledge to speak in a polite manner to those in a wkplace.
>but, the internal process takes days and up to months!)>
I'd like to take a shot at this one! No; I don't want to forget I CAN do it w/ tact and politeness.
>I'm a visual artist, have been a carer most of my life, have successfully worked with the aged and disabled and homeless. I speak and present well and am seen as a strong person.
> From early memory I've learnt to be afraid of people and that I wasn't worthy.>I am so sorry for this. There are some people we do need to be afraid of, but then the others are gems; seem the minority. I feel so bad you were deemed by whomever or whatever to feel you weren't worthy.
>I needed to be needed>
Well if you were still young and fearing all and thinking yourself unworthy of being a part of 'a good life', I suppose you felt quite lost and someone needing you gave you a purpose. Understandable.
>and consequently believed that the needs of others were a priority for my wellbeing.>
It is wonderful you care about the needs of others. I think it's very admirable you are able to stand back and see yourself as you did.
The latter part about the needs of others being a priority for your well-being may need a little tailoring , 'cuz we do need to steer clear of those rushing and bustling about w/o a care for anyone but themselves, who run us down!
But, I'm feeling your soul would wilt a bit if you were too w/o the empathy you must portray in your work.
More people should stand up for the less fortunate. Be thankful you aren't a me-me-me person.
> As a teenager I challenged my fears and found that I could act confidently. Act, being the operative word. My sister was most critical of my behaviour and still is (sad outcome).>
I'm sorry. Here again is someone you might want to tailor out a bit. It hurts when it is your sister; too I share the situation.
>This act has worked for me until:
> My recent 'unseating' took place in the workplace where a once friendly and embracing manager decided, after 4 days' at training together, that I had something about me which she perceived as a threat to the program. This statement was regularly put to me over a three month period. The only insight I was briefly given was that she felt this way after she observed my confident interaction with professionals present at the training. I was then, terminated.>What a bunch of cr*p! Have you checked back w/ anyone there to see if she has been terminated yet? If not, it is prob' just a matter of time.
> I can intellectualise the situation but the point that, there was something innately wrong with me, has had a profound effect and for the first time in my life I can't transcend this 'truth'. It has reinforced the negatives which I'm now remembering from my beginnings.
> Since my previous posting, I took part in a telephone interview and have been asked to progress to the next level. Excellent. Yes I'm fighting the internal talk as past experience has told me that I am employable BUT...........but....I'm terrified as I know people can and will clearly see that there is something wrong with me.>There are some things wrong w/ all of us. Just give it your best shot and let it go to the interviewers' discretion. Life isn't fair, but believe it will be for you in time.
You are hard on yourself. I too. But, ya' know what? We sort of have to be in this world. It is a freakin' rat race of who's better or faster or richer ... ultimately who is 'the best'. I wonder how many people who are 'the best' these days would spend a moment of time to think of the homeless. Tune them out a bit, yes, but I would sort of hate to see 'your good self' take a back seat. Maybe you can find a balance.
What you do in your life sounds to be very admirable. (I've been so sick I might be repeating myself. So sorry if am.)
> I shall begin with Self-Defeating Behaviour literature - thanks. If there are other insights, experiences, please help me.>
I hope you'll share what you find valuable in your book with us.
Try this. Look at yourself and tell yourself ..
I AM WITHOUT VALUABLE.I WILL BE MORE VALUABLE WHEN I LEARN TO IGNORE THE NASTY REMARKS OF OTHERS. (Maybe ignore isn't the right word here, but I get the feeling you DO VALUE YOUR WORK and if you ignore too much, would you lose your empathy. Idk.)
But, the gist of this is, if you do this a few times, soon it will hit you, WHAT A BUNCH OF BALONEY!
Really .. it's a sort of backwards self-talk that keeps us from lying to ourselves.
Maybe you are not the one to put this employer in their place at this time; but, don't you want someone to? People should 'get the hint' they're mistreating another. We want a better society.
By your work, you have value. But, the employer who spoke to you in the disrespectful, unprofessional, cold (Can I add aloof?), and repetitive, manner can take a fast train to Timbucktoo(sp?) and stop feeding off others' pain to feel their value.
There is kindness out there. That you are searching says so much.
This insight will find you an employer w/ more wisdom and intelligence, and therefore, there should be understanding and good manners; worthy of your employ.
I've been hurt this way myself and I've been hiding, reclusively. You're far ahead of me!
Your story has prompted me to see my own situation a little differently and also given me some HOPE. Thank you so much for sharing am3ma.
> Thank you ALL.>
5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:893350
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/897580.html