Posted by backseatdriver on February 20, 2009, at 9:20:50
In reply to Worse than ever, posted by TherapyGirl on February 20, 2009, at 6:40:39
Hi TherapyGirl,
Just wanted to chime in with a couple of things that came to mind as I read your post.
First, my gosh, what a cruddy situation. I am sorry you're going through it. I don't know how you felt when your T laughed at your friend's "no excuse" remark, but it seems to me like your T was expressing support. Your friend was out of line. Her remark is ITSELF inexcusable. It is also rigid and unfriendly. I second the posters here who have suggested that she's got issues of her own. Probably one should have compassion for her. But frankly, I don't. (This is my issue. Working on it!)
Mental illness makes interpersonal stuff harder than it would otherwise be, just like a trick knee can make running harder than it would be otherwise, and so on. But is NO worse than other disabilities, and you are no more at fault for this situation than you would be at fault for injuring an already weakened joint while running a race. We use what we have. How can we do otherwise?
>It feels like everyone around me, even those who feel
> a bond with me, are just waiting for the slightest slipupI think attachment -- bonds -- are not necessarily free of ambivalence. To some, being "bonded" can feel like love and attachment; to others, it can feel like being hemmed in. The word itself contains both meanings. Sometimes both feelings can exist in a single person's heart.
I think your friend may be one of those ambivalent types. Time will tell. (In my experience, it always does.) You'll get a letter, or a phone call, or some news will come to you and you will see all at once the nature of her feelings for you. In the meantime, though, it is hard to wait, and it hurts real bad when attachments are broken. If it is any comfort, she is hurting, too. Probably more than anyone can see. You are probably not the first person she has treated this way; her life may be full of abrupt departures instigated by her own fears (of intimacy, of conflict, who knows?) Anyway, this is not your fault -- those are her issues.
Take care of yourself, and write here,
BSD
poster:backseatdriver
thread:881247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/881284.html