Posted by antigua3 on February 20, 2009, at 9:06:18
In reply to Worse than ever, posted by TherapyGirl on February 20, 2009, at 6:40:39
I'm really sorry that you're going through this on top of everything else you're experiencing.
While you've gotten great advice already, I'd like to throw something a little different out here.
Obviously your friend is triggering feelings of abandonment in you, which is perfectly logical. But maybe she shouldn't be your best friend? Maybe you picked her for triggering reasons of your own, when in fact, she really isn't the type of person who should be your best friend? I know that in the past I often sought out people who were bad for me, but I kept hanging on to them and they hurt me, and I hurt them, and when I came to understand the pattern, I found that it was me all along. That the other person wasn't "worthy" of being my best friend. Not that it's all their fault, but that I was placing unrealistic expectations on them. I'm not saying your expectations were unrealistic w/this friend, I'm just trying to point out that people w/histories such as ours are often drawn to people who remind us of our childhood, and we end up retraumatizing ourselves, despite our best efforts.
All that said, I think Scott is right. I've lost what I thought were good friends over their inability, or fear I might add, in understanding how I am when I've trusted enough to open up. Many people just can't handle things like that, and as it has been said, that is their issue, not yours, and while I think educating may work for some, others are just too triggered themselves and they run.
I think you deserve better friends. And remember, you can't change her; you can't make her be your best friend again. That hurts, I know, but, again, that's her issue not yours and you have to find peace within yourself.
Please take care of yourself,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:881247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/881282.html