Posted by SLS on February 16, 2009, at 9:22:12
In reply to Re: asking for support, coping skills (very long) » SLS, posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 22:03:52
I thought I might just say a few words about feelings of being in love based upon my own experiences with it. When you are in love, you don't have much choice about feeling that way when you wake up in the morning. If you go to sleep in love, you will wake up in love. You do have some choices with what you do with that feeling, though. You can:
1. Let it be.
2. Nurture and encourage it.
3. Allow it to die.
If you don't allow it to die, you will remain in love.
If you let it be and make no attempt at processing the loss, it will probably linger for some time to come.
If you nurture and encourage it through fantasy and hope and the belief that it will be requited one day, the feelings may actually get more intense and deep-seated. You will not fall out of love.
Allow it to die if you are convinced that this is what is healthiest for you. It will die. You need to believe that. It has happened with countless others that they allowed themselves to fall out of love. I managed that feat myself. Once I made the decision that I would no longer pursue a life with someone I was deeply in love with, the process of falling out of love began. I wanted to fall out of love. Time without contact with this person helped immensely. When she did call wanting to get back together, I said no, despite still having feelings for her. I never lost sight of my goal to move on to something that was healthy for me and move away from what was unhealthy for me. I knew that she was unhealthy for me. I kept reminding myself of all the reasons I did not want to be with this person. I would sometimes come up with additional reasons as I moved through the process of separating my heart from her. You need to use your mind to accomplish this. Eventually, your heart will follow. Feelings of being in love begin to recede. You might be surprised at how fast they do. Even if it happens later than sooner, it will happen. In the meantime, begin to move forward and leave this man behind.
You know, it is funny what Seldomseen said about selling the necklace. Even before his posting that, I had thought of the same thing - that you should defray the costs of the gifts you gave to him by selling it. I am only half-serious, though. I don't want to minimize the value you might place on it. However, I would probably put it away somewhere so that you are not likely to see it.
Again, if you decide to wait for this person, I would not judge you. I would support your desire to be happy.