Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2008, at 10:12:00
In reply to Re: I'm not bored anymore » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on April 2, 2008, at 5:23:30
> "And it seems to me that I'm relating to him more as a person, and less as an object put there for my benefit."
> I think you expressed this transition very well.
It's good to hear that. I was a bit worried when he seemed nonplussed by my observations.
> I've always found it interesting (in a good way!) that you refer to your therapist as therapist/mommy. My therapist has very much been my father object for as long as I can remember.
Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I had a father who may have been difficult, but with whom I was very close. I *have* noticed that since Daddy's death, I'm more likely to see a father in my therapist than I used to. But my therapist inspires mother thoughts, I think. It's not that he's mushy or anything. In some ways he could be seen as a bit distant and firm. But he's also soft.
> I wonder if what we are going through mimics the developmental stages that children go through in relation to their parents.
> The dependence, the rebellion, the independence, the resolution and finally the growth into a mature relationship (well, I've read that's the way it's supposed to go, please disregard that I dreamed I shot my mother last night).
lol. I understand *that* dream all too well. And I must confess that I think about my relationship with my mother less as a mature one than as a role reversal. The only thing that scares me is that a mature relationship seems to have an ending in it somewhere. Or a lessening of need. I'm not at all mature in that I cling to him, and cling to needing him.
> My therapy has been all about the so-called "corrective emotional experience". While, of course, we are not children in therapy, I do wonder if there is a corrective developmental experience there as well. Because we are adults (or just very very well therapized), we can recognize the shift in the dynamic.
Better than he can, apparently! He must have good instincts, though. Even if he doesn't make a conscious choice.
> Now we have to figure out how to negotiate the new relationship.
I'm really excited about this new phase of therapy, as long as it doesn't lead to abandonment or growth resulting in termination. I really see immense potential in learning new things.
> My therapist has also said that I have been willing to do the work required to make therapy successful. Good lord, it has been a tremendous amount of work.
Yep. And I was dragged kicking and screaming into personal growth all the way. :)
> So I guess, here we go again - back on the mountain, scaling that learning curve again.
> However, I think it will be very nice to welcome this whole new person into my life.
> OMG! what if I don't like him!
He's let enough of himself seep into the room that nothing he's expressed lately is a huge shock. I know that he isn't someone I'd choose from a group to be my friend. But I have grown to care about him, both the admirable and the less so. :) (At least within the therapy walls). And I think it's mutual.