Posted by rskontos on April 3, 2008, at 18:42:09
In reply to Re: I'm not bored anymore DInah » rskontos, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2008, at 9:13:00
Well you helped me just walk in a say it. Which by the way was a better plan than I had prior to reading your post. Me and my one that is in denial we need therapy had convinced me that he would think I had made it all up that I dissociated during the last session and I could get mad and storm out or just leave convinced he did not get it and be done with him. But that is not what happened at all. T had thoughtful questions that tried to help me figure out why I thought I left. If the trigger was the discussion of an email I had sent him. He actually just told me what we discussed. Now this did not bring any of it to light except a few things. What I notice he does is to vary the questions if I seem to get off topic. By that I mean, he will let me get off the topic but in a round about way get back to the issue at hand. He finally said that he believes ( I was pretty shaky and told him so, I was loose and jelly like and I told him I might leave again soon as I felt just like I did when I awoke in my car, very disconnected with the world at large, a pretty good indicator I might zone out), that I was still having major trust issues with him and most people. That I must been switching off and on to keep up a chatter about stuff that doesn't lead to much disclosure. And that makes sense. He said that for him he thought most people have a light side to them, a serious side, etc but he said I have begun to notice that yours are obvious extremes, (buried deep) that have been developed as responses to defenses to help protect you over the years. And they run much deeper than I previously thought. I never realized that during one of these times you were so animated that you might not in fact be here. I think maybe he got it today. He asked what I thought was the trigger. I said trying to get myself understood, trying to understand myself myself and just talking about it in general. A flashback I had last night involving my father, a first and just needing therapy in general. I don't know. I guess. So this is how it went.
I also realized today I can't talk the whole time about stuff I have to have the lightness mingled in or I would explode I think. But at some point it might need to be more serious to keep me here the whole time. I am not sure.
that is all. He asked how I thought the break would be, I said I honestly don't know.
rsk
thanks for asking me to update.:)
poster:rskontos
thread:821073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/821410.html