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Lou's reply to Kathlee-anwsng

Posted by Lou Pilder on March 19, 2008, at 7:03:29

In reply to Lou's reply to Kathlee-lstshp Kahlee, posted by Lou Pilder on March 18, 2008, at 22:35:21

> > I am so tired of being hopeless. Don't misunderstand, I am not suicidal. I am a mother and that, above all, keeps me fighting everyday to find a way to make things better. I would never leave my babies. I am living in a loveless marriage. My husband is more like a roommate. We get along fine, but I have no desire to be intimate with him. We have had our issues, but he's a good man. He's never done anything horrible (cheat, abuse, etc.) I have this "pattern" with men. When we become close, like family, I am not able to be intimate anymore. Yes I was abused. Yes it was by a family member. I haven't told anyone about this but I am not in denial. I just don't see how making this information public will help anything. This site is able to assure anonymity, so I can say what I need to. Please don't attack me and tell me that I am doomed because I am not willing to confront my abuser. I am beyond depressed. I am destroyed. I carry on everyday feeling this emptiness and sadness in my soul. I want to release my husband from this union with me, he shouldn't have to live in a marriage without sex, without intimacy. I want what's best for him, and especially for my babies. I know that no matter what happens he and I will need to cooperatively co-parent for the rest of our lives. So would it be wise to end this before we end up hating one another? I'm not a bad person, but I just don't know what to do. I have been so blessed in my life, I feel guilty that I can't find a way to be happy...
> >
> Kathlee,
> You wrote,[...hopeless...loveless marriage...not willing to confront my...destroyed...emptiness and sadness in my soul...end this marriage?...feel guilty...]
> The picture that I see in your post is of a cloudy darkness above a raging sea with troubled waves tossing and crashing onto the shore. I see you standing on the sand in the darkness of despair, without hope, without joy and without peace. I see that you are lost.
> In your post I see that you are troubled as to what you are to do. I see in your post that you are wanting to stop the raging sea and have the waters be calm and still and that the darkness could be dispelled by light and that you could find your Way back from being lost.
> But how can the raging sea be calmed and to whom can the light be given to dispell the darkness? If someone is lost, how can they be found?
> Lou

You wrote,[...too find a way...hopeless...beyond depressed...destroyed...]
When I read that I think of one that is lost, for they are seeking to find.
It has been revealed to me that at one time in our lives we are all lost and are in the wilderness of hopelessness and depression. But to where are we seeking to go? And how could we find the way so that we could be in the Light of Life to be brought out of the darkness of depression and be given the spirit of hope for the dispair of hopelessness?
It has been revealed to me that there are waters to drink that could give you beauty for ashes, and joy for mourning, and praise for the spirit of depression and instead of any shame you will have honor, and instead of any confusion you could have everlasting joy and be given a new name to sing a new song.




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