Posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 18:46:48
In reply to oops.. there is a message above., posted by wishingstar on March 13, 2007, at 17:56:29
Saw Laurie (old T from the summer) today. Ginny suggested it because as she apparently she told Laurie, shes "grasping at straws" and doesnt know what to do with me. I tend to have that effect on therapists!
Laurie is great. She wasnt thrilled to hear about all my self destruction of course but she never told me to stop, and I didnt feel like she was upset with me. If anything, it seemed like she just felt for me. It was nice. She just gives me this overall sense of "its going to be ok. we can work through this" whenever I see her.. without saying it.. it just happens.
I'm going to keep seeing her for anotehr few weeks we decided while I figure out what I'm going. Cant get in next week though because of her schedule and my upcoming trip, so my next appt is 2 weeks away. Thats ok.
She pulled out some weight chart thing, matched up my height and weight and gave it to me and asked me to read what it said (undeweight). I said no thanks, I know what it says and threw it back at her (jokingly, not in a mean way).
I love that we have this relationship where there can be old jokes. And I can tease her and even as vulnerable as I am, she can tease me back about things in our past and its fine. Not a lot of teasing.. little things. For instance, she always asks me where I feel things in my body, and I HATE that question. I've led her to believe I dont know.. when in reality I just dont want to talk about it.. but that isnt the important part. But she mentioned asking one of my clients at work that question (thinking it might be helpful) and I just looked at her and said I didnt think I'd use that question in my career, ever. She laughed. It was a connection moment. I love those.
Part of me is thinking maybe I should just keep seeing her. But its a 2 hour drive each way, and $75 a session (thats the discounted rate even).. so Im just not sure its feasible.
I wonder.. could I find this connection with someone in my town? I wonder how much of it is her, and how much of it is just the fact that shes known me for so long. I've seen her on and off since I was 18, so she saw me through part of the major traumatic event of my adolescence (happened when I was about 16, but was still happening then).. and has seen me grow up really. I'm not sure that can be replicated. She refers frequently to the connection we have, and how she knows that its there too.
At the end of the session, I said that I worry for her, because she must feel like shes walking on eggshells with me and the smallest thing could make me hate her too... since I seem to always do that with therapists. But she said no, she doesnt feel that way. She said that she feels like anything that happened, we could work through, and she can handle me being mad at her. Interestingly enough, I think shes right. I do think we could handle it. It was a special moment. Shes still a bit scary, but shes safe.
She also gave me some advice on work with my clients. She tried to get me to see all the good things I'm doing and not look so much at the not-so-successful things. It was odd to hear advice on doing therapy from your own therapist. :P
poster:wishingstar
thread:740682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/741045.html