![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 13, 2007, at 11:39:12
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Posted by wishingstar on March 13, 2007, at 17:55:30
In reply to Wishy, how goes it? (n.m.), posted by Iwillsurvive on March 13, 2007, at 11:39:12
Thanks for thinking of me and asking iws.. thats very sweet of you.
Not doing so great recently. I've had a very hard last week or so. Had an issue with a close friend, and with my advisor at school, which was a big stressor.. but it's just the depression too. My advisor called Ginny on Thurs because I didnt answer my phone (hello, I was at work!) and was planning to call the cops to check on me. I asked her not to talk to Ginny without my permission, but she went ahead and sent her another email yesterday. Ginny knows everything this woman knows.. and Ginny isnt talking because she doesnt have a release.. but it still feels like my advisor is crossing her boundaries big time. I cant trust her anymore. She apologized this morning and said she'll back off, but its really too late. No one is safe right now. I've just come to feel that no one is really truly safe, even when I think they are.. its all an illusion. So I'm not trusting my judgment with anyone anymore.
I've fallen very hard into restricting in the last week or so (restricting food/calories, that is).. its a thing I used to do in high school (late 90s) but havent done it like this in years. I'm at my lowest weight since high school right now. I'm feeling sort of blunted, numb, slow.. I guess probably from not eating. The depression has gotten a little better in the last few days, I guess from the adreneline rush of being angry for a few days and because I'm finally "coping" by not eating.. terrible coping of course, but it's something.
I've lost my ability to cry. I used to never cry, then a few months ago relearned it.. and now it's gone again. I can feel the tears in my throat, but they just wont come out. That's scary because it means I'm pulling further into myself.. which is what I want to do in some ways, but it makes it harder for me to get better I guess.
I didnt go to work Monday.. I got out of one appt by using a reasoning that sounded like a sound therapeutic decision based on the clients situation, but really it was just an excuse. Missing it isnt a terribly big deal because the lead clinician was there anyway, but I do feel bad about it. I also did have paperwork I needed to get done. I just couldnt drag myself in to do it. I did it today, so it isnt a big deal I guess, but I know it's not a good sign. I've lost myself somewhere. This girl isnt me.
I see Laurie, my old T from last summer, tomorrow. It's a 2 hour drive but I guess Ginny is hoping she'll get through to me, since I've pretty much shut Ginny out completely. I'm going to try to be as open and honest as I possibly can. I'm looking forward to seeing her. I see Ginny on Thursday too. I really have cut her out emotionally though. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing how much I have. I usually count the days, and this time, I'm not. I'm glad to see her on Thurs I guess, but if it were Fri or any other day, it wouldnt make a big difference to me. It partially feels like more of an annoyance to have to go there, a break in my work schedule. I've never felt that way before. It's good because it makes coping easier, but bad because I managed to successfully destroy what was a good therapeutic relationship in a matter of 2 weeks. I really think she could have helped me.. but she cant at this point (and thats my fault, not hers). I wont be terribly surprised if she tells me she doesnt think she can help me further and refers me elsewhere. I can feel it coming. It's okay, I guess.
I'm hating myself for wanting attention recently. I guess a small part of me does want someone to just grab me and hold onto me and let me cry.. and say it's going to be okay. And I feel like I'm being all sorts of attention-seeking the last week or so. I'm not sure why. I guess its the little girl inside who wants to be heard, but I think I've almost succeeded in killed her. Allowing myself to feel all that would just be too intense and there is no good outlet.
Like I said above.. I've just lost myself. Lost myself in a blur of self-destuction and pain and anger and fear and neediness. I dont know where to find me.
Thanks for asking iws. It helps to know youre thinking of me. (((iws)))
Posted by wishingstar on March 13, 2007, at 17:56:29
In reply to Re: Wishy, how goes it? (n.m.), posted by wishingstar on March 13, 2007, at 17:55:30
sorry, should have changed the subject line.
Posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 18:46:48
In reply to oops.. there is a message above., posted by wishingstar on March 13, 2007, at 17:56:29
Saw Laurie (old T from the summer) today. Ginny suggested it because as she apparently she told Laurie, shes "grasping at straws" and doesnt know what to do with me. I tend to have that effect on therapists!
Laurie is great. She wasnt thrilled to hear about all my self destruction of course but she never told me to stop, and I didnt feel like she was upset with me. If anything, it seemed like she just felt for me. It was nice. She just gives me this overall sense of "its going to be ok. we can work through this" whenever I see her.. without saying it.. it just happens.
I'm going to keep seeing her for anotehr few weeks we decided while I figure out what I'm going. Cant get in next week though because of her schedule and my upcoming trip, so my next appt is 2 weeks away. Thats ok.
She pulled out some weight chart thing, matched up my height and weight and gave it to me and asked me to read what it said (undeweight). I said no thanks, I know what it says and threw it back at her (jokingly, not in a mean way).
I love that we have this relationship where there can be old jokes. And I can tease her and even as vulnerable as I am, she can tease me back about things in our past and its fine. Not a lot of teasing.. little things. For instance, she always asks me where I feel things in my body, and I HATE that question. I've led her to believe I dont know.. when in reality I just dont want to talk about it.. but that isnt the important part. But she mentioned asking one of my clients at work that question (thinking it might be helpful) and I just looked at her and said I didnt think I'd use that question in my career, ever. She laughed. It was a connection moment. I love those.
Part of me is thinking maybe I should just keep seeing her. But its a 2 hour drive each way, and $75 a session (thats the discounted rate even).. so Im just not sure its feasible.
I wonder.. could I find this connection with someone in my town? I wonder how much of it is her, and how much of it is just the fact that shes known me for so long. I've seen her on and off since I was 18, so she saw me through part of the major traumatic event of my adolescence (happened when I was about 16, but was still happening then).. and has seen me grow up really. I'm not sure that can be replicated. She refers frequently to the connection we have, and how she knows that its there too.
At the end of the session, I said that I worry for her, because she must feel like shes walking on eggshells with me and the smallest thing could make me hate her too... since I seem to always do that with therapists. But she said no, she doesnt feel that way. She said that she feels like anything that happened, we could work through, and she can handle me being mad at her. Interestingly enough, I think shes right. I do think we could handle it. It was a special moment. Shes still a bit scary, but shes safe.
She also gave me some advice on work with my clients. She tried to get me to see all the good things I'm doing and not look so much at the not-so-successful things. It was odd to hear advice on doing therapy from your own therapist. :P
Posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 18:49:46
In reply to saw Laurie, posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 18:46:48
She also mentioned that "there's this really great inpatient eating disorders treatment center in FL" blah blah..
NO, LAURIE. NO.
I dont have an eating disorder. I may be on my way there, but I'm not there yet. She didnt push it, it was just a passing comment..
But I love that shes hearing me.
Posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 19:25:24
In reply to Re: saw Laurie (one more thing), posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 18:49:46
I figure if I'm making a thread out of all my unrelated ramblings (as I seem to be), I want to add one more thing. I think I may have just stumbled upon something that explains a LOT.
I was googling (bad? eh) my old T Anne. I hadnt done it in quite a long time, but I was just feeling curious, I guess. I ran across something I dont recall seeing before, or maybe it just never clicked, I'm not sure.
Her father apparently died in Jan of last year 2006. The obituary was one of the hits on google. Jan is right around the time things started to take a turn for the worst with the therapy.. and they just got progressively harder from there.. Jan, Feb.. problems but not terrible.. March, getting pretty bad.. etc.
Could it be that her fathers death triggered a change in HER and thats what started the cycle? No doubt that the cycle was continued by things between us, because it did get worse from there, but maybe that was part of it. I;ve never understood why she seemed to be a different therapist those last 6 months or so than she'd been in the past. She just never seemed to "get it" or really hear me.. and I felt like she had before.. but I just assumed it was because I was feeling worse and so I needed something different from her that she couldnt (wouldnt?) give. But maybe that wasnt it at all.
Or maybe not. It said her father lived in Pa so I guess they werent that close? Who knows. But its possible.
Now, someone kick me for still thinking about this woman.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 14, 2007, at 19:53:32
In reply to saw Laurie, posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 18:46:48
I'm so glad you did this for yourself. Connections like that don't just happen and I'm glad you have it with Laurie.
Keep up the good work!
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 14, 2007, at 19:55:27
In reply to ok, one more thing - anne, posted by wishingstar on March 14, 2007, at 19:25:24
I think you're definitely on to something.
Posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:29:06
In reply to Re: ok, one more thing - anne » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on March 14, 2007, at 19:55:27
Posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:34:17
In reply to Re: ok, one more thing - anne » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on March 14, 2007, at 19:55:27
Saw Ginny today. Not helpful. You all predicted it.. she didnt really "get it" from my email. Didnt offer any reassurance or comfort or validation really. Thats all I needed. Talked about the weight I've lost but nothing about WHY I'm not eating. Just why it's a bad idea. I already knew it was a bad idea. I wanted you to hear me.
I tried to tell her I was trying. The email was painfully honest. I wanted her to get that. I guess she didnt. She just said "but we cant do emails every week". Well no kidding. But I'm TRYING.. dont you see that?
I was starting to consider that restricting was a bad idea after seeing Laurie yesterday. I guess I felt like I was heard enough that I didnt need to. But today, forget it. I'm NOT stopping. I'm not eating. I'm done. I WILL hit xxxx (blocked because it could be a trigger) pounds and I dont care what anyone else thinks. At least I can do that.
She encouraged me again to look at finding other therapists. She said she'd consulted with a colleague and they agreed that if I wont talk, theres nothing she can do for me. Thats true. Oh well. I tried.
Not sure if I'll continue posting here or not. Might take a long break. I dont feel like I fit in here right now for the most part. That isnt an attempt to get attention or reassurance, so pelase dont feel like you need to comment on it. It's just the truth.
Posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:38:25
In reply to ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:34:17
She also suggested an alternate to me switching therapists and starting new.. have I considered that maybe I just shouldnt be in therapy at all right now?
Yes, the time when I'm not eating, cutting, suicidal and basically just a mess is the perfect time to stop therapy completely. Oddly enough, I believe I suggested that a week or so before things got bad with Ginny and I and she said no way.
Hahhaha.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 15, 2007, at 19:33:53
In reply to ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:34:17
> Saw Ginny today. Not helpful. You all predicted it.. she didnt really "get it" from my email. Didnt offer any reassurance or comfort or validation really. Thats all I needed. Talked about the weight I've lost but nothing about WHY I'm not eating. Just why it's a bad idea. I already knew it was a bad idea. I wanted you to hear me.
**Sigh. Sorry Wishy, I had big hopes for Ginny :(
> I tried to tell her I was trying. The email was painfully honest. I wanted her to get that. I guess she didnt. She just said "but we cant do emails every week". Well no kidding. But I'm TRYING.. dont you see that?
*WHY can't you do e-mails? If she reads them in the session its not wasting her time....anyhow, guess it don't matter now anyhow.
>
> I was starting to consider that restricting was a bad idea after seeing Laurie yesterday. I guess I felt like I was heard enough that I didnt need to. But today, forget it. I'm NOT stopping. I'm not eating. I'm done. I WILL hit xxxx (blocked because it could be a trigger) pounds and I dont care what anyone else thinks. At least I can do that.
>
**yes you CAN restrict, but its a very maladaptive thing to do. Another has angered you, but don't hurt YOURSELF! You are not bad, you just trying to work thru stuff.
Please take care of yourself. Its such a slippery slope you walk on....:(
> She encouraged me again to look at finding other therapists. She said she'd consulted with a colleague and they agreed that if I wont talk, theres nothing she can do for me. Thats true. Oh well. I tried.**Sigh, I don't know that......I think they gave up too easy. LOTS OF US DO NOT TALK!!!!!!!!!!!! Great gravy, I still say very little, much of what I communicate to my T is written.
When I get into a mode where I am not communicating, cuz I've gotten scared or something and pulled back. Well one strategy is my T just does 'teaching', she gets out her handouts and teaches me CBT stuff. Other times we WALK! Sometimes she seems to realize mebbe we been pushing it a little and she'll phone me ahead and see if I wanto walk. Little talk, little walk. We almost always start in her office, and sometimes it turns into a session, sometimes we talk for varying amounts of time, then walk. It worked well for me.
So I relate this long winded story, just cuz mebbe you DO need to find a diff therapist, one mebbe with diff boundaries. One that can deal with silence, and is willing to take the time and effort and PATIENCE to allow you to build the trust and connection that seems to make therapy useful. Cuz I think that needs to be FIRST. Trust. HUGE.
>
> Not sure if I'll continue posting here or not. Might take a long break. I dont feel like I fit in here right now for the most part. That isnt an attempt to get attention or reassurance, so pelase dont feel like you need to comment on it. It's just the truth.**Why not fit in? You fit in?? IMO you do anyways.
>
>She also suggested an alternate to me switching therapists and starting new.. have I considered that maybe I just shouldnt be in therapy at all right now?**WEIRD?????????????????
Yes, the time when I'm not eating, cutting, suicidal and basically just a mess is the perfect time to stop therapy completely. Oddly enough, I believe I suggested that a week or so before things got bad with Ginny and I and she said no way.
**Sigh. Well I was thinking as a possible alternative, online therapists?????I dunno, you could start a thread bout it. But then you would have SOMEthing, and could bounce stuff off us babblers.....and mebbe see Laurie now and again?
Or mebbe e-mail and occasional face to face w/Laurie? There would have to be time boundaries as to how long she spent reading and replying to e-mails, but she could bill according to time mebbe, with the max being 1 hr or whatever a reg therapy appt would be.?
I dunno, just some thots, cuz doing the job you do and the issues you face, you can't do it alone, you need support.
I have said this to others so excuse me if this is getting annoying, but I think Pastoral counsellors are often looser w/boundaries and can mebbe be patient. I dunno. Mine its pastoral and she's great at patience w/me, no matter what.....not to say other T's are not of course, but mebbe its more common in pastoral T's? Mebbe not.
Oh well, I just really wish I could do more for you as you truly have been working at this.
Don't give up! You will find a good T eventually.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 15, 2007, at 20:01:36
In reply to ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:34:17
I'm so sorry, Wishy. I, too, had great hopes for Ginny, but she clearly doesn't get it. Laurie is starting to look like a viable option -- two hours doesn't sound too far when you look at the quality difference between the two.
And if you ever get the chance, feel free to tell Ginny that I didn't speak for the first FOUR YEARS of my therapy and we (my T and I) still deemed it effective. Sometimes it's all about creating a safe place and/or learning that a place is safe. I'm sad for her that she doesn't get that.
Posted by frida on March 15, 2007, at 21:56:19
In reply to ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:34:17
dear wishingstar...
I am so sorry..it seems Ginny is giving up too easily..
i read therapygirl's post...in my case it took me 6 years to be able to talk...and even now I can't talk freely..but my T stuck with me and helped me through this years and gave me hope to live.
she did feel frustrated lots of times and sometimes told me that she couldn't help me if I don't talk, but she never gave up on me. She said things out of frustration but waited, and I changed slowly. I did what I could.I am so sorry about Ginny, I don't really understand why she's changed and seems to be giving up like this, when she should realize that you are trying, and that you are hurting...When I couldn't talk, sometimes my T told me, well maybe you just need to be silent right now and it's ok..and she tried to understand the reasons behind my silence and how painful it is.
I am really sorry. I don't know, I had faith in Ginny for you.
Wish i could help...
I go to see my T and it's around 2 hours away from where I live. I go weekly. Maybe you can consider seeing Laurie? Reaching out to her right now?
You deserve help and support through this.
Frida
Posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 12:57:17
In reply to Re: ginny, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 15, 2007, at 19:33:53
Thanks iwillsurvive, therapygirl, and frida for responding.. I'm sorry to have not replied until now. I've been limiting my access to this board for a lot of reasons.
Thank you all for mentioning how long it took to open up to your Ts. This situation with Ginny makes me feel like I'm totally crazy, but I guess I'm not. It's not fair that after just four sessions (since the trust incident) shes decided I might should go somewhere else. 4 sessions! And that email I sent her was probably the most honest thing I've ever given/said to a therapist ever.
Iwillsurvive, I'm not sure why we cant do emails. She just said it very matter-of-fact, "well we cant do this every week". She used to ask me at the beginning of every session if I had anything to give her (anything written), and I rarely did, but I told her I appreciated her asking and wanted her to keep doing it. I'm the one who asked her to do that in the first place. So as for why written is suddenly not ok... who knows. I guess shes just frustrated. I either have to be perfect and trust her completely or move on.
I havent decided about Laurie yet. She's 2 hours away each way, like I said, so it basically kills an entire day for me to see her.. gas money to drive 4 hours.. and she charges $75/session (thats the reduced fee). $75 is a LOT of money to me. A whole lot. I only pay Ginny $10/session. I did see Laurie all summer and pay that, but I was making more money then and it was only temporary. She really just doesnt feel like a good long-term solution.. as much as I'd LOVE for her to be. I dont know. I see her against next Tues (8 days from now) so I guess I'll talk to her about it then.
iwillsurvive, your T sounds great.. letting you open up as you're able and being sensitive to you.. I wish Ginny was like that right now. That email was huge. I didnt expect her to get every single detail.. but wasnt the fact that I needed some reassurance pretty clear? To you all? Maybe it just seemed clear to me, I dont know. But she didnt offer any at all.
My feeling right now (and this past week or so) is just that I'm done with therapy. I'm not going to look for a new T right away. No one seems to understand, but I just know that one more mishap, one more hurtful situation, is more than I could take right now. Everyone says "just do it anyway, you have to try" but I KNOW I just couldnt take it. Even if my reactions are overreactions, they are still very real for me. Ginny suggested that maybe I should quit therapy all together (not just with her, but overall). I guess shes right. I know it's a bad decision.. I'm obviously not in a good place to be quitting therapy overall and not getting any help. But if the "help" is like this, then forget it. I can do better on my own.
I see Ginny again tomorrow (Tues) at 10 and again on Thursday. Not sure if we'll even end up keeping Thurs, but its scheduled for now. Shes gone the next week.. taking her kids to Disney World. Probably wont matter for me though. I also see my pdoc then.. on the 30th.. I've been out of the hospital for weeks and I'm STILL not on any meds. None. Great. Anyone want to wager a guess as to why I dont want to reach out for help again?
Posted by one woman cine on March 19, 2007, at 14:07:47
In reply to Re: ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 12:57:17
wishingstar, I am truly sorry you are in so much "therapy pain". I still think you should give Ginny a chance. I think, from your posts, she's been honest and helpful in the past - but it does sound like your both at an impasse.
Maybe she's pushing you a bit, because as you won't talk in therapy, while perhaps being self-destructive meanwhile. Perhaps she is feeling helpless and like her hands are tied. That's a tough proposition for you both to be in.
& maybe she's alarmed for you which is why she suggested long term residential. If she didn't care at all, she would just refer you and move on. But it doesn't sound like the case to me, in my opinion.
& just as aside, therapist have their own comfort levels and ways of treating people in crisis. Some might discourage e-mail contact for various reasons, but maybe Ginny's reason is that you won't talk in therapy as you said before and perhaps she wants to foster face to face communication, rather than going the e-mail route. It couldn't hurt to ask her.
I wish you peace, be easy on yourself and Ginny. It sounds like you are both trying.
Posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 15:42:28
In reply to Re: ginny » wishingstar, posted by one woman cine on March 19, 2007, at 14:07:47
thanks onewomancine. I guess I should clarify that I am talking in therapy.. there arent any awkward silences.. I'm just not being as open as she wants me to be. I'm protecting myself a lot.. which I've told her. The letters/emails that were okay before were for the exact same reason... when there was something I needed to say that was too scary to say outloud, but I needed her to know. I can understand encouraging actual conversation.. in my opinion, thats always better. And we're doing a lot of that. I guess I wanted the letter to be a jumping off point, as they have been in the past. I know some therapists discourage writing/email overall, and I completely understand that. I just dont understand her changing her mind. I do plan to ask her.
I think youre right that she probably does feel quite helpless.
My old T (Laurie) called me today. It was really nice and even though she said some hard things, I feel like it gave me a tiny bit of strength, at least to get to my appt with Ginny tomorrow. I'm going to try my best.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 19, 2007, at 15:46:27
In reply to Re: ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 12:57:17
Sorry i don't have much time right now or I'd write something myself to Ginny, I may yet....
Mabbe you could take some of the posts into Ginny bout how others T's are as far as patience in waiting for the trust to build enough that a client can finally speak?
It would be nice if you two could hash it out and figger WHY? T didn't work for you two. I dunno if Ginny is honest and open enough to admit that maybe some of it is on her side....mebbe even alot. Not so much she a bad T, but she's not a good fit for a client with trust issues. And mebbe she should take that into account when she's taking on new clients.
Y'know, talk dispassionately in the third person bout it.
I would be curious to know just what she thot specifically of the letter too?
Hell, I wanna come to your appointment WITH you!!!!
Anyhow, sorry its hard and hurtful.
I have been 3 wks w/o T myself, 3 wks to go. I doing mostly OK. I think mebbe this break has beena good thing.
So I hope you'll be able to babble, and ask us questions, and mebbe we can be supportive somehow...
Goto go,
You take care.
Posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 16:56:00
In reply to Re: ginny » wishingstar, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 19, 2007, at 15:46:27
Hi... I am going to definitely mention what you all have said about your Ts taking time and letting you feel safe. I dont think I'll bring in the posts, although I'd like to, because I'm afraid it might make her feel a little defensive.. and I really want her to be open to at least hearing me tomorrow. It feels like my last shot. I know it logically isnt, but I think mentally, I'm making it that.
I wish some (or all! can you imagine?) of you babblers could come with me tomorrow! I think I'd feel safer.. or at least more confident. I tend to get there and start feeling like I'm crazy and wrong for feeling the way I do. But to some degree, I DO know I'm overreacting, so the question is.. where's the line between "this is my issue" and "youre just wrong"? I wish I knew. I dont think its completely either.
I'm sorry you cant see your T for so long. That has to be hard, but I'm glad to hear you're doing mostly ok! I think it can be good (although not fun at all) to have a "test" and see how you function without therapy from time to time. And I dont mean *you* of course, just people in general. You're already halfway there.. the 6 weeks will be over before you know it. :)
I'm going to try to keep posting. I dont know. I just feel like everyone is sick of hearing the same whiny story from me time and time again. Thats the biggest part. The other part is that the "happy therapy" stuff is hard for me to read right now.. and I feel like I'm imposing on the happy moments by posting. I dont know. I'll figure something out.(((iws))) you're the best!
Posted by raisinb on March 20, 2007, at 12:08:25
In reply to Re: ginny » Iwillsurvive, posted by wishingstar on March 19, 2007, at 16:56:00
Hi WS--
I don't post very much, but I read these sometimes, and I have read the history of your time with Ginny and generated some strong opinions on this situation over the past few weeks. I really hope they don't make you feel worse ;(I think the things Ginny has done are BS, to put it bluntly. First of all, she should NEVER give you something you need (and promise it, really) (seeing you twice a week), then yank it away. That's an irresponsible violation of trust.
Some therapists do not do email because of confidentiality issues, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here. It sounds like she wants you to open up, and you tried with your written communications, then she refused them because they weren't in a form she liked. Her decisions seem arbitrary to me.
Third, I think it's highly irresponsible to suggest that you shouldn't be in therapy right now. If she can't work well with you (due to mismatching styles, whatever), that's one thing, and it's her job to tell you so. But to tell you that you're therapy-inappropriate? Uh uh. Therapy's the one place where no matter what your issues--whether you're enraged, schizophrenic, whatever--you deserve help and compassion. You are the client--that means it's your job to play out all your crap in therapy. It's her job to help you with it or refer you elsewhere, but not to say that you can't benefit from therapy. It's HER failing here, not yours. If you had no trust issues, you wouldn't need therapy. You have the right to be silent--or say whatever--in a session and not be rejected for it. She might try to push you, but she shouldn't push you OUT.
IMHO, I think you deserve a good therapist and Ginny isn't it, so you might think about starting the search again, as hard as that might be and as crappy as it sounds.
*deep breath*. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time :(
Posted by wishingstar on March 21, 2007, at 19:55:30
In reply to Re: ginny, posted by raisinb on March 20, 2007, at 12:08:25
hi raisinb... good to see you out of hiding for a bit. :) I posted an update below, but I wanted to respond to what you posted briefly too.
First of all, nothing you said makes me feel any worse, so please dont worry. A big part of me agrees with you (and everyone else on here).. it's just not fair what Ginny is doing. But at the same time, I wonder if maybe it just SOUNDS bad but really my issues are bigger/different/etc than you all know and I'm really just being the crazy one here. I just dont know. But it does help to know that I'm not the only one who sees that this is hurtful!
To her credit, we talked Tuesday about the email issue and the comment she made about me quitting therapy overall and both are okay now. We werent really on the same page with those two thnigs. I think she spoke a lot out of frustration, mixed with some misunderstanding on my part, but those two are fixed.
The trust issue and her walking away (sort of) during this hard time is still very big though. I can feel us startng to move past it but I think its always going to linger.. at least for a long time.. because I dont think the real issue is being dealt with. I feel like the immediate feelings were said and shes saying "yes, I hear you, but theres nothing I can do" so we're just pushing it under the carpet.. but I'm not deaing with the hurt or the abandonment feelings at all. I dont know how to get deeper into that but I dont think she does either.
I just dont know what to think!
Thanks for your thoughts. :) Hope to see you posting more soon..
Posted by raisinb on March 21, 2007, at 20:07:39
In reply to Re: ginny » raisinb, posted by wishingstar on March 21, 2007, at 19:55:30
Well, I'm glad to hear that. I know that sometimes, when I'm in a relationship quandary, when somebody criticizes the other person, I feel like it's a judgment on me too (that's ME being irrational, I know ;)
I hope things get better, whatever you decide to do.
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