Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 15, 2007, at 19:33:53
In reply to ginny, posted by wishingstar on March 15, 2007, at 16:34:17
> Saw Ginny today. Not helpful. You all predicted it.. she didnt really "get it" from my email. Didnt offer any reassurance or comfort or validation really. Thats all I needed. Talked about the weight I've lost but nothing about WHY I'm not eating. Just why it's a bad idea. I already knew it was a bad idea. I wanted you to hear me.
**Sigh. Sorry Wishy, I had big hopes for Ginny :(
> I tried to tell her I was trying. The email was painfully honest. I wanted her to get that. I guess she didnt. She just said "but we cant do emails every week". Well no kidding. But I'm TRYING.. dont you see that?
*WHY can't you do e-mails? If she reads them in the session its not wasting her time....anyhow, guess it don't matter now anyhow.
>
> I was starting to consider that restricting was a bad idea after seeing Laurie yesterday. I guess I felt like I was heard enough that I didnt need to. But today, forget it. I'm NOT stopping. I'm not eating. I'm done. I WILL hit xxxx (blocked because it could be a trigger) pounds and I dont care what anyone else thinks. At least I can do that.
>
**yes you CAN restrict, but its a very maladaptive thing to do. Another has angered you, but don't hurt YOURSELF! You are not bad, you just trying to work thru stuff.
Please take care of yourself. Its such a slippery slope you walk on....:(
> She encouraged me again to look at finding other therapists. She said she'd consulted with a colleague and they agreed that if I wont talk, theres nothing she can do for me. Thats true. Oh well. I tried.**Sigh, I don't know that......I think they gave up too easy. LOTS OF US DO NOT TALK!!!!!!!!!!!! Great gravy, I still say very little, much of what I communicate to my T is written.
When I get into a mode where I am not communicating, cuz I've gotten scared or something and pulled back. Well one strategy is my T just does 'teaching', she gets out her handouts and teaches me CBT stuff. Other times we WALK! Sometimes she seems to realize mebbe we been pushing it a little and she'll phone me ahead and see if I wanto walk. Little talk, little walk. We almost always start in her office, and sometimes it turns into a session, sometimes we talk for varying amounts of time, then walk. It worked well for me.
So I relate this long winded story, just cuz mebbe you DO need to find a diff therapist, one mebbe with diff boundaries. One that can deal with silence, and is willing to take the time and effort and PATIENCE to allow you to build the trust and connection that seems to make therapy useful. Cuz I think that needs to be FIRST. Trust. HUGE.
>
> Not sure if I'll continue posting here or not. Might take a long break. I dont feel like I fit in here right now for the most part. That isnt an attempt to get attention or reassurance, so pelase dont feel like you need to comment on it. It's just the truth.**Why not fit in? You fit in?? IMO you do anyways.
>
>She also suggested an alternate to me switching therapists and starting new.. have I considered that maybe I just shouldnt be in therapy at all right now?**WEIRD?????????????????
Yes, the time when I'm not eating, cutting, suicidal and basically just a mess is the perfect time to stop therapy completely. Oddly enough, I believe I suggested that a week or so before things got bad with Ginny and I and she said no way.
**Sigh. Well I was thinking as a possible alternative, online therapists?????I dunno, you could start a thread bout it. But then you would have SOMEthing, and could bounce stuff off us babblers.....and mebbe see Laurie now and again?
Or mebbe e-mail and occasional face to face w/Laurie? There would have to be time boundaries as to how long she spent reading and replying to e-mails, but she could bill according to time mebbe, with the max being 1 hr or whatever a reg therapy appt would be.?
I dunno, just some thots, cuz doing the job you do and the issues you face, you can't do it alone, you need support.
I have said this to others so excuse me if this is getting annoying, but I think Pastoral counsellors are often looser w/boundaries and can mebbe be patient. I dunno. Mine its pastoral and she's great at patience w/me, no matter what.....not to say other T's are not of course, but mebbe its more common in pastoral T's? Mebbe not.
Oh well, I just really wish I could do more for you as you truly have been working at this.
Don't give up! You will find a good T eventually.
poster:Iwillsurvive
thread:740682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/741377.html