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Telling T big bad secret memory

Posted by littleone on February 3, 2007, at 17:12:45

My T knows that I had really bad experience when I was younger but he only knows it exists, I've never told him what happened or anything.

Last night I wrote it all out for him. Very very upsetting and shameful and awful.

Had a very big cry, but it was good. Towards the end I was able to tell myself that I would have protected me and kept me safe. Which is a very good step I think.

Had nightmares last night, but I wrote them out for T.

Feel very tender and bruised.

Don't see T til Tuesday, so even though I'm kind of okay at the moment, I worry that I'll really struggle between now and then. It's a long time to sit on this.

I think there's another part hidden under here. A very shameful one. I don't want another one. I want less, not more.

I'm going to walk through the botanical gardens this morning to distract and soothe. I have my furry fox with me. I slept with him and my hanky last night. Had to have nice clean sheets on the bed. The other ones were too dirty and disgusting.

Feel like I have to be gentle gentle softly with myself.

 

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