Posted by littleone on February 3, 2007, at 17:12:45
My T knows that I had really bad experience when I was younger but he only knows it exists, I've never told him what happened or anything.
Last night I wrote it all out for him. Very very upsetting and shameful and awful.
Had a very big cry, but it was good. Towards the end I was able to tell myself that I would have protected me and kept me safe. Which is a very good step I think.
Had nightmares last night, but I wrote them out for T.
Feel very tender and bruised.
Don't see T til Tuesday, so even though I'm kind of okay at the moment, I worry that I'll really struggle between now and then. It's a long time to sit on this.
I think there's another part hidden under here. A very shameful one. I don't want another one. I want less, not more.
I'm going to walk through the botanical gardens this morning to distract and soothe. I have my furry fox with me. I slept with him and my hanky last night. Had to have nice clean sheets on the bed. The other ones were too dirty and disgusting.
Feel like I have to be gentle gentle softly with myself.
poster:littleone
thread:729410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729410.html