Posted by shrinking violet on January 16, 2007, at 8:12:31
In reply to Re: how do i let go, posted by Daisym on January 16, 2007, at 0:15:29
Hi Dinah,
As usual, you give wisdom :-)
I hear what you're saying, and you're right to a point, but, I just can't let it go that easily. I wish I could, but....I feel strongly about some of the things my T did and said, things I don't think she should have done given her situation. And it angers me, it just does. Yes, she gave me things I needed at the time (whether they were genuine or a therapy ploy bothers me greatly also), but she could have done the same in a different way, without confusing me and causing more hurt in the process. I do give her credit for a lot of things, however at the same time I just feel like I need to unburden myself in regards to other things. For example (and this is a more extreme example, but it's the one that comes to mind and is easiest to explain), should she just be able to tell me (her client at the time) during one session that, oh, by the way, i think we should have three more sessions and that's it...? Mostly, I need her to know how her actions and words effected me, because i really don't want her to do this to someone else. I know she would never intentionally harm me or anyone, but maybe if she realizes what she did to me she would think twice next time she finds herself in a similar situation.
I don't know.....I know if I wrote the letter I'd feel I had to send it. And then I know if I did that, I would let her go in terms of no more holiday or birthday cards or letters telling her how i am. i think i am ready to do that, but, i don't know. I do want to make sure that by sending her the letter I am doing it for ME and not for any other reason (well, maybe aside from, as I've said, to potentially protect any future or current clients of hers).
Ack, sorry, this situation is way too complex to go into, esp if my history with her is previously unexplained.
Anyway, just some thoughts off my head...
Thanks again Dinah.
-SV> Maybe you should stop trying so hard to let go but rather sift through your experience for those moments that mean so much to you. Rarely do we encounter someone who calls up so many intense feelings. Your old therapist had something that touched you, and something you needed. Even though your new therapist is "easier" in some ways, the passion and depth of your feelings for the first one can't just be dismissed as "bad" for you. She awoke a deep need, a need that was painful and all consuming. It isn't always comfortable, but knowing you have the capacity to feel so deeply is actually a gift.
>
> I think if you can reframe your experience as a bitter-sweet one, you will be able to put it behind you, in that pile of memories we sort through and learn from. Writing the letter might help. Mailing it almost certainly won't. Because that isn't closure, it is reopening the door.
>
> I feel for you. I hope you can talk it through in therapy.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:722646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/722813.html