Posted by muffled on August 6, 2006, at 1:02:32
In reply to Re: my psychiatrist appt » muffled, posted by kerria on August 6, 2006, at 0:19:44
> Thank you ((((((((Muffled)))))))safe hugs.
**:-) Thanks for hugs.> Since the therapy session last week when the part S. that hates me came out- so much is wrong. That's why i went to the Dr- to help.
**Sorry he wasn't able to. Guess its goto be hard when you got parts that keep screwing things up.
> It doesn't feel safe and i don't know what part will be out. Work is a mess, everything is a mess. Later i have to remember what happened and try to deal with it.
**How do you remember what happened? This may be very important, cuz to remember what happened there must be some communication going on, or maybe you are partly there at the time but dissociated. This could be a key to figgering out how to communicate.It's so hard to live. i'm always unprepared for what comes out . When we're homeeee it feels safer except when h gets mad. Then we become little and feel like there's no control and it's just as bad as when we were little. It's scary, we're afraid of the dark- afraid for our life. It's like a nightmare that happens but it's real.
**((((kerria)))It must be so hard. But you do have parts that can help. With or without a T you'll have to try and learn how to communicate.
>
> i can't talk to my parts. When i become one part the other parts aren't here. Who i am keeps changing. i'm never in charge. It hurts so much when h and everyone is angry because i'm angry with myself too.
**Dont be angry at yourself, or your parts. Quite possibly many of them may be children and so behave like children cuz they ARE children, so don't be angy at them, they just don't know better. But they can learn.
You who are writing this knows there are parts. Is there another part that seems to know there are other parts?
Have you noticed that certain things (eg. angry husband) bring out certain parts? Is there times when parts that are seemingly more desirable come out? Is there any way to trigger them out on purpose and try to be there too? Or get them to write to you? If the wrong part writes something, throw it away. But you may tap into a useful part quite accidentally, and then you have communication with at least 1, and thats a beginning.
And you may fight with that part, or that part could have alot of resentment and stuff, but try to be as adult as you can and not get sucked into fighting.
Try to be kind and welcomming and accepting as you can, even if the part is behaving badly. Cuz chances are its just justifiably hurt or angry etc, and just needs someone to be kind and accepting. I think you will be able to communicate eventually, and it will be a huge reliefe once you can start sorting out the hurts and just loving those hurt little kids that are inside you.
>
> No meds have helped. i take diazapam - to calm dowm. i'm so afraid of whats going to happen. The physical pain feels like it just happened- when h is angry - goes crazy- out of control-that past a. is present a.
**Flashbacks. So sorry. So sorry. I don't get those, just a flash of white light and I blank out. I am very fortunate.> There's not a way to talk to parts to say it's ok now. Sometimes it's really NOT ok at home:(
**Are you safe at home? Are you still getting abused? Thats doesn't sound too good. I really hope thats not the case :-(> i do try to talk to S. - the angry part but i'm so afraid. She is angry about things that happened that were our fault- it can't be changed:(
**WAS it your fault? Really? Or is that just a lie you've come to beleive? Even if there was fault, and I NOT saying there is, you are human, ALL humans screw up. We not perfect thats for damn sure.
The angry part, do you think its a kid?> Thanks for being there,
> kerria
**You are not alone Kerria. And one day you'll be glad of your inside ones, cuz they are you, and they've helped you to survive, and lotsa times they end up just being regular hurt kids and once they get some understanding they will be happier, and you can have some peace.
Its hard butting against the wall, but you'll break thru, you'll be able to communicate, you will. I think you already are, your just not conscious of it yet.
Take care,
Muffly
poster:muffled
thread:674038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/674185.html