Posted by madeline on July 23, 2006, at 11:30:27
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » inimitable, posted by mayzee on July 22, 2006, at 16:08:53
<<<P.S. due to my depression I haven't had any romantic feelings for anyone for over 3 years; so my friend says she's happy just to hear that I can have those feelings again.>>>
EXACTLY! You still have those feelings and THAT, I think is the important thing here.
I am not going to lie to you, I went through three years of hell with my T. I knew I was only going to get hurt. I knew I was only going to continue to get hurt if things continued the way they were in therapy.
I accused him of every trick in the book - leading me on, being a big fake, a coward, a liar - not just any liar but the WORST kind of liar. I accused him of being on a ego trip, I begged him not to hurt me anymore. I wrote long scathing letters about how he was nothing but a jerk and that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
Through it all he just sat there and listened. He would have little spurts of defensiveness, especially when I would accuse him of grossly mistreating me, but he would only point out that he had never done anything of the sort. I would have to then concede his point.
We went on like this for years. He would always tell me that the love I felt and the love he felt for me didn't have to hurt anyone. It could exist in that room and no one was going to die from it. I bet he said that a hundred times before I realized that he was right. I could love him, it was okay.
Then I went through a phase when I ONLY wanted to love him, but slowly and painfully that changed as well.
You just have to be open to the whole emotional process in therapy, nothing is right or wrong. It just is.
Talk to your therapist about it, talk to them over and over again. If this is the first time you have felt love in three years (for me it was MUCH longer) then run with that.
It will be okay, it really really will.
Maddie
poster:madeline
thread:668993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/669667.html