Posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 16:28:39
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » inimitable, posted by mayzee on July 22, 2006, at 16:08:53
Hi mayzee,I totally understand your frustration and often feel exactly the same way. But I also suspect it's not about your T. I mean, even though it's possible that if you got a really unattractive T, this wouldn't come up, it still is not entirely about the therapist.
And your P.S. makes me think especially that this may be something important you need to deal with. Although what "dealing with it" means, I have yet to really figure out myself, as you can tell from my posts above.
:(
It is really painful, but I keep believing what my Ts and babblers tell me: that this is a part of the process. That good therapy almost REQUIRES this, as weird as that seems.
My therapist has helped me with other stuff that is unrelated to love/romance, which have been valuable, but this thing is really core stuff. It might radiate out to the whole rest of our lives.
> > I am going to continue therapy. he asked me if I'd rather avoid this pain or learn to deal with it, learn skills (more skills than i have learned so far i guess), to help deal with the pain, in case it happens in the future.
> > ... he suggested that if i kept with therapy, i would be able to learn skills that would help me in the future.
> >
>
> What are the skills that can be learned?
>
> I have an obsessive crush on my T. I think I understand Madeline's points about it's ok and even helpful to love your T. But for me, mine seems an unreasonable, obsessive crush. And it just seems to get in the way of my therapy. I have plenty of other things to work on; and when I can keep focused on those, therapy with this guy has been really helpful. I did tell my T about the crush. And when it comes up in session I feel like I'm wasting my money taking up time to deal with this. Like, I should get a T that I'm not attracted to. (I've had several Ts over the years and this is the first time I've had a crush on one. I've only been seeing him for about 3 months so we don't have a long history together) Also, I feel like I spend too much time outside of therapy thinking about him.
>
> I told my T I just want to get rid of this feeling ... of wanting something so badly that I can't have. It's so uncomfortable / frustrating to me. And like I said, I have other issues that are a higher priority for me to work on.
>
> So inimitable, can you tell me more about the skills that you are going to work on developing in therapy? What kinds of things can your T help you learn that would help you deal with this?
>
> Thank you!!!
>
> mayzee
>
> P.S. due to my depression I haven't had any romantic feelings for anyone for over 3 years; so my friend says she's happy just to hear that I can have those feelings again.
>
poster:crushedout
thread:668993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/669418.html