Posted by Daisym on February 24, 2006, at 18:17:31
In reply to Iíve changed my mind: itís too scary (TRIGGERS), posted by Tamar on February 24, 2006, at 9:27:58
I want to ask you to please not hurt yourself but I do understand the urges and the release.
I think I'm like you; When I get sideswiped I go into automatic "it's fine" mode and really work hard to keep the other person from knowing how I'm feeling. I think I'm embarrassed to be having a strong reaction, even in therapy. And I have a need to carefully look at something privately before I share my feelings and reactions. So stream of consciousness is really hard for me.
However, I do make it a point to try to take back to therapy my thought process and how I felt initially, what I think happened and why. It is important to be honest, even if it is uncomfortable. And even if you can't do it in the moment.
I do understand that standard "I don't think it is helpful to you if I tell you that" answer. But I always want to answer, "I trust you with some really personal things...you can trust me with this." And when I don't get an answer, I'm mortified that I even asked. I feel like I broke a rule, I stepped over the line and God forbid, I made him uncomfortable somehow. I hate that feeling! Feels like I get an F in therapy that day.
*sigh* ((((Tamar)))) Feel better soon. I'm glad you posted today.