Posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 16:42:10
In reply to Re: My feelings » Tamar, posted by happyflower on November 7, 2005, at 11:36:46
> I just kinda feel my posts about this is upsetting people or giving them false hope about their own T's. So I thought maybe I shouldn't talk about this here. What do you think? There seems to be some very strong opinions about this topic.
I don’t think you’re upsetting anyone. But I do think people are concerned about you and don’t want to see you get hurt, and that's why there are strong opinions. And I don’t think that you’re giving anyone false hope about their own Ts. Each therapy relationship is different and I know that what happens in your relationship isn’t something that could have happened in mine. I tend to assume other people know this too…
Also I agree with B2C: there is some vicarious pleasure in it! Your comment about throwing your panties was particularly fun! Though it might be a challenge to get them off under the fishnet pantyhose and the high heeled boots… have you considered wearing nylons instead? (Sorry; I’m very naughty!)
> All I know is what I feel in my heart, and I don't feel him having feelings for me are one sided. I think we have mutual feelings for each other. I don't know where he stands in his marriage and I don't know if he feels about me as strongly in the same way. Or if he did, will he let himself act on it.
Yeah… he might have feelings for you. I suppose the problem is how far he can express them and still be professional.
> Today I saw him at the gym, and we do have a special chemsistry with each other and I can tell how he smiles at me he really likes me. Maybe this is all that will become of it, and I think I will be okay with it. I am not letting myself get too carried away, because I am afraid of getting hurt. I am just going to take it slowly and see what happens.
It must be nice to see him at the gym. If I saw my T at the gym I’d probably feel both comforted and excited at seeing him outside his office. And I suppose you will probably continue to see him at the gym after termination, when the time comes. I guess I just wonder whether that knowledge keeps you from talking to him about your feelings now, because you might be hoping to develop the relationship in the gym after termination. Well, if it were me, that’s what I’d be thinking…
> I think you are right that I will have to make the first move, because if he did, he would be risking a lot, if I didn't feel the same way.
Not only that, but it’s in the rules. Therapists aren’t supposed to initiate personal relationships, even after therapy is over. So if you do want to start a relationship with him, you’d have to tell him!
> Right now I am enjoying his company and flirting . You have to admit, who doesn't like to be noticed and liked?
Absolutely! I think it’s good that you’re enjoying that aspect of therapy.
> It feels good, I can't help it.
And why should you ‘help it’? I think we need to find enjoyment in life where we can…
> I do feel these are real feeling, not projections of somebody else. I wish he wasn't so cute, it might make it easier! LOL Thanks Tamar, I value your advice. :)
Yes, I’m sure they’re real feelings. And I know what it’s like to have an attractive therapist. Sometimes I think it makes it harder, but other times I figure, if I’m going to have sexual feelings for my therapist, at least he’s attractive! Imagine if he were unattractive and I still wanted to do him? Argh!
There’s no easy answer, is there? But I think it might be helpful to talk to him about it…
Or at least think about the consequences of *not* telling him your feelings. What’s the best you could hope for if you don’t tell? What’s the worst that could happen if you don’t tell?
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:575457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/576466.html