Posted by fairywings on October 22, 2005, at 14:12:03
In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? » fairywings, posted by Poet on October 22, 2005, at 12:22:12
> My T is trying to get me to not turn my sensory defensiveness into anger. I am supposed to explain to people that I need time alone and don't like to be touched. Personally I prefer that I stormed out of my water aerobics class when the instructor told us to all form a circle and hold hands. I suppose I could have not said I don't do this (bad word) (another bad word) outloud, but I did. I am supposed to let the instructor know that I don't like to touch people or be touched and that I would prefer to not participate in group activities. Fat chance. The angry kid in me likes to be heard, though she really has a potty mouth. Got to work on that one. Fat chance.The adult in me has a potty mouth too often. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the words to tell the instructor how you felt. I'm amazed at your ability to do the water aerobics at all - good for you. I know how it is to not be able to tell ppl how you feel. I avoid situations now so I don't have to say how I feel. About the only situation I don't avoid is therapy.
>
> Anyway, feel that anger. Talk to your therapist about it. Why are you angry? Who are you angry at? Who are you really angry at? That's therapy. At least for me.I feel the anger, it bogs me down, it's about all I feel, and I hate it, I feel so negative. I hate that I tend to be negative with my family too often, and that I get mad too much. I wish I didn't have so much anger.
Mt T knows I'm angry at my mom and dad for abusing me, and at the guys who raped me, but not that I'm mad at myself for withdrawing and now not doing much at all, I feel like a slug, can't get myself moving, but he doesn't know that. I guess at some point it will come up.
I'm really sorry that your mom won't apologize, and that she doesn't even see what her son did to you. How can parents be so blind to one child? (I hope I"m not that way to any of my kids.) I hope you can feel your anger, I wish you could express it to her.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:568495
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/570445.html