Posted by All Done on July 31, 2005, at 11:26:26
In reply to Re: No Oops » All Done, posted by daisym on July 28, 2005, at 0:17:11
> I've read through this thread twice now and I keep nodding my head (can't you see me?) because you are writing my answers to their questions. It is very hard to see that you are holding yourself back, that you wish, wish, wish you could be comfortable with soaking in support, yet it terrifies you in some unnameable way.
Exactly, Daisy. Sometimes I don't even feel terrified about it. I just can't accept the support, but I have no idea why.
> For me it is simply the fact that i've set up my life to care-take everyone. So while they don't mean to not notice that I'm sort of slipping away, they just don't. Because I'm still there for them when they do see me. I'm absolutely sure that should I ever elect to open up all the way with a friend, they will drown in my stuff. I will wipe them out. It is easier to hold it, as lonely as that feels, than to risk letting it out.I know what you're feeling. I feel like it's my job to take care of everyone else, too. Sometimes I wonder how I think others will "drown in my stuff" when I never drown in their's, though. But that doesn't stop me from keeping everything in.
I constantly tell my T that I wish I was surrounded by a bunch of mind readers. My family, friends, and husband (oh and my T, too, of course). They, obviously, don't have that power, so when I expect something and don't get it, I suspect that might feel overwhelming to them. How on earth are they supposed to know what I want or need, if I never tell them? Then again, I don't always fess up that I wanted or needed something. I guess I'm just predicting the worst.
> Problem is that we really are lonely. And we really do want to connect with people. No one keeps score here of give or take, but sometimes we worry that they are. It is so much easier here for me, I'd never be this needy IRL. Never,ever.It's easier here for me, too. I guess I feel like everyone knows and accepts that we all need support at times. And I've also noticed that it's more accepted here for more than one person to need support at a time.
> I think you can have it both ways. You just have to make up your mind that you deserve it.
>
> You really do, trust me, I know these things.I just haven't gotten there, yet :(.
I haven't had much time to read posts lately...I really hope you're okay.Take care, ((((Daisy)))).
Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:532059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535966.html