Posted by daisym on July 28, 2005, at 0:17:11
In reply to Re: No Oops » Dinah, posted by All Done on July 26, 2005, at 1:53:14
I've read through this thread twice now and I keep nodding my head (can't you see me?) because you are writing my answers to their questions. It is very hard to see that you are holding yourself back, that you wish, wish, wish you could be comfortable with soaking in support, yet it terrifies you in some unnameable way.
For me it is simply the fact that i've set up my life to care-take everyone. So while they don't mean to not notice that I'm sort of slipping away, they just don't. Because I'm still there for them when they do see me. I'm absolutely sure that should I ever elect to open up all the way with a friend, they will drown in my stuff. I will wipe them out. It is easier to hold it, as lonely as that feels, than to risk letting it out.
Problem is that we really are lonely. And we really do want to connect with people. No one keeps score here of give or take, but sometimes we worry that they are. It is so much easier here for me, I'd never be this needy IRL. Never,ever.
I think you can have it both ways. You just have to make up your mind that you deserve it.
You really do, trust me, I know these things.
Hugs to you,
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:532059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/534592.html