Posted by fallsfall on July 24, 2005, at 11:34:56
In reply to Re: Oops » Dinah, posted by All Done on July 24, 2005, at 10:04:49
> Oh my, Dinah. I think a lot of what I said I probably shouldn't have applied to Babble, too.
>
> The last thing I wanted to do was suggest that I don't ask for or get enough support here. I also don't want anyone to think they ask for too much. I'm actually pretty comfortable with the amount of support I ask for here. (I wish I could give a little more sometimes, but that's another story.)*** AllDone, this sounds like backpedaling to me. When I read your first response to Dinah, I "heard" that there are times when you want more support from us, but you don't feel comfortable asking for it. You and 90% of the other people at Babble. I certainly didn't "hear" that you were complaining that we weren't supportive. You don't think that you are "worthy" of our support, so you don't want to ask for it. But I vehemently disagree with that.
***I have never seen you be even close to "too much". You know, Daisy worries about this all the time. Can you recognize that her worries are blown out of proportion? Can you see that perhaps yours are in the same direction?
>
> I think (and forgive me if this doesn't come out right) I'm talking more about the deepening of relationships that you mentioned. Most of my friendships (and I'm really talking more about face to face) are pretty superficial. The one friend I had that was the closest to me hasn't been around as much as she used to be and I'm really missing her right now.*** Call her and tell her that you miss her. Invite her to come over for lunch or a dessert swim or something. Or just chat on the phone with her. Do you send email with her? I find that email is the easiest when people are busy, because you and they don't have to be talking at the same time - they can respond to your email at their convenience.
>
> I actually have been talking about some of this in therapy, but I guess I didn't really connect it to my lonliness. I've been missing the intellectual stimulation I got with this one particular friend. Now, when I do talk with my other friends, I'm realizing that it's mostly about day to day activities or in a lot of cases, because they are stay at home moms, it's more about pretty basic child rearing activities. It doesn't even get into the "good stuff" like *why* is my three-year old suffering from separation anxiety now when he was fine a month ago or *why* does he go on the potty at daycare but not at home. (I know...some of you are saying, "*that's* the good stuff?" :P)*** Have you tried deepening the relationship with your Moms-with-kids friends? You might find that they are starved for the same thing you are.
>
> I'm feeling like I have many acquaintances but few real friends. So, I appreciate what you said about sharing myself with others. Maybe I should just try a little at a time to open up with some of them. It's just so hard for me to think of that sharing as a gift and not just me being a royal pain in the *ss.
>
*** Well, all I can say is that I had a great time at the zoo...> You are very sweet to say I'm enough for anyone. I admire you, Dinah, and that means a lot to me coming from you. I'm working really hard on believing I'm good enough. You think it will come when I believe I'm good enough for myself? Sigh.
>
*** I second Dinah's opinion that you are good enough for anyone.> I'm always glad to hear from you, too. No matter what it's about. I think maybe a lot of us need to be reminded from time to time that this *is* a place for support. It's okay to both give and get it and I don't know anyone who's keeping score. Although, I do owe you big time for keeping me here in the first place. You were the first off-board contact I had and I think that makes this all so much more "real".
>
> Thanks, (((Dinah))).
>
>
*** I'm so glad you are here on this board, AllDone. I'm looking forward to seeing more of who you are.Falls.
poster:fallsfall
thread:532059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/532703.html