Posted by JenStar on May 11, 2005, at 19:22:46
In reply to Why not advice to forgive our parents? **trigger**, posted by pinkeye on May 11, 2005, at 14:02:43
hi pinkeye,
it's so interesting that you bring up cultural differences that can be invisible to people who only experience one culture! I'm sure that the focus on forgiveness IS due to the prevalence of religion and karma in India. Here in the US, people are angry and litigious -- we sue each other all the time, gun incidences are on the rise, we are angry.I can see strengths and weaknesses in both cultures. I sense that in India, the honor of parents is taken to an excess in many cases, beyond what is healthy, and beyond what many parents deserve. Here in the US, there is probably not enough forgiveness or enough honor for family in general, both from parents and children. I think a happy medium might be the ideal.
I do think that it's right to "divorce" from family that is making you sick and who are hurting you too much, and here in the US it's much easier to do that. In cases like happyflower wrote of, I can't imagine trying to forge a relationship with a parent after such treatment. For milder issues, I think it would be important to try.
In any case, I can see that parents are a huge issue in both cultures, and coming to terms with abuse is critical. I like the idea of forgiving in order to forget or get past the hurt. It is much better to not hurt anymore; if anger is a necessary step on that path, I think it's good to take it, as long as you treat it like a step and don't seethe in anger for the rest of your life. It seems so sad and unhealthy to be angry forever. No one deserves to be continually angry.
I hope you are able to get past your issues!
take care...
jenstar
poster:JenStar
thread:496463
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496590.html