Posted by PM80 on April 27, 2005, at 14:39:50
In reply to Re: Confusing my ex T with my dad? » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on April 27, 2005, at 14:05:03
>> Thankfully, I have some very good capacity to heal, and maybe I will be fine after a few months of therapy. My new T is amazing in this aspect.
GREAT! You sound as though you have a lot of personal insight. That is such a great quality.
My father also leaned on me emotionally. I am the middle child of 3. I was always his least favorite (though it was not exceedingly obvious, just enough that I got that sense). Or maybe because I was an overachiever he felt like he didn't measure up when he was a child or something. Maybe it's hard to feel like a father-figure to a kid that can accomplish much without you. I was always strong-willed and generally competent. I don't know. Anyway, my mom died when I was 16. Then I suddenly became the[his] best, strongest, most helpful daughter. I cooked dinner, took care of my brother (made sure he did his homework, picked him up from practices, went clothes and school shopping, scheduled doctor's appointment, ect.), helped a lot with housework, maintained my grades and school activities, provided emotional support for my dad, and was a very agreeable mediator between the people in my family. Also, probably adding to this equation, my mother and I were a lot alike in personality. My dad was not really ever there for me. But he did like to brag about me, so I guess that felt nice. So I went from one side to the other at exactly the time my mother got sick and died. He still leaned on me when I went away to college and it felt like a weight tied around my waist. Talk about the old ball and chain! That is what it felt like. He "needed" me and I wanted to run as far away as possible. I still am dealing with all the consequences of the situation. My T and I have talked about it.
poster:PM80
thread:490382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/490418.html