Posted by pinkeye on April 27, 2005, at 13:54:27
In reply to Re: Confusing my ex T with my dad? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on April 27, 2005, at 13:44:13
Yes she thinks it definitely has to do with my anger. She thinks I am just now allowing myself to feel the anger towards my dad, and I am just turning it all in - into my own body.
And I have really felt it.. when I feel very angry and stressed, my pain shoots up to the sky. When I am calm, the pain is almost non existent.
Maybe pathologically, I am predisposed to Rheumatoid arhtriits - but the flaring up is definitely due to anger.
Maybe the reason you have so many physical ailments is possible due to the same reason ?? Think about it.
It doesn't sound too bad I know. Lot of people go through it. But I was also an only child, and my family was kind of secluded from others. So I really didn't have a chance to understand things in a better way when I was growing up. And the kind of intimacy I shared with my father was almost a public knowledge. All my relatives used to comment that - that I was so extremely close to my father, that I was all the time with him, that we leave our mother out.. I never thought anything about it at that time. But now I am realizing it was a huge mistake on my father's part. Maybe if I had a sibling, or other close ties, I would have been able to come out of it being able to grow up. But my fahter was the only close relationship that I had - till I was about 20 - 21. So, I was more affected. Plus my dad was extremely physcially affectionate - for a long long time. Will hug me very closely allt he time, sleep in the same bed hugging me closely etc. He will make me sit on his lap till I was nearly 20 - 21.. My husband got mad when he saw my fahter sleeping on the same bed hugging me once even after I was married. At that time, I got mad with my husband, but now I am realizing how inappropriate my father's actions were. And I really tried to avoid my dad after I attained puberty. I would try to push him away, but he always convinced me that he was jsut my father. I remember that very well. And my mother didn't really object to it.
Anyway, the only thing that still saves me is the fact that my dad loved me the most. These are definitely mistakes on his part, but at the end of the day, he meant well. So that is what makes me still love him a lot.
poster:pinkeye
thread:490382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/490403.html