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Re: worst fear come true? (lomg) Tamar

Posted by pinkeye on April 14, 2005, at 13:08:55

In reply to Re: worst fear come true? pinkeye, posted by Tamar on April 14, 2005, at 3:46:42

That is true, my termination was done through one email.. But there is a lot of history to it. I kind of had email therapy all along, so almost all that was done through emails - him sitting in my country 20000 miles apart from where I live. I visited him for a few sessions (about 5) every time I visited my homeland, but then I have done that only twice during the course of 2 and a half years. So I don't know if there was a better way to have done the termination. And he retired from practice himself, and couldn't continue to be a therapist for me. So that is why I don't really think he did a mistake. It was as best as it could get. Maybe he could have told me that I could have a few exchanges with him over termination, that might have helped a lot. And emails lack a lot of emotional tone - especailly because I don't see his face or voice.. So he might have meant things differently than what I assumed when he said there was no question of liking me or disliking me and all he wanted to do was to help. AFter that email, I didn't get any response to subsequent emails that I sent, so I just assumed he is not going to write again. There were all sort of strange scenarios which are not the way therapy is done in the US. And he didn't charge me at all for his services. And he was kind of a family friend's friend that is how we knew him.

And I was very attached to him, but I also know his family a little, and I even know his wife in a sense.. And he knows my parents, and I know his parents etc. So it was really a different kind of therapy experience. I think that kind of led to lot of confusion for me.

And you are right about my own fears being projected. I think that is what I am doing. Or my expectations are too unrealistically high.


And you are right about me taking responsibility for more than I should be. My new T also keeps telling me that - about other things. She says that I am taking far more responsibility for things which are really not mine. In this case, I think he didn't do any mistake, but neither did I. I can see it was pretty much impossible to go into therapy without developing some sort of attachment and liking towards your T. I am not going to be hard on myself anymore.

The thing is, after all this also it still kind of hurts.. And I wish it doesn't. My husband is really turning out to be a nice guy, and I want to be loyal and affectionate towards him - atleast hereafter. And I think I need to move past this hurt somehow to be able to do that fully. But whenever I realize my ex T didn't like me, I go back to hurting.

Thanks for listening to the long story. :-)


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