Posted by LG04 on March 22, 2005, at 14:21:31
In reply to Re: I read further, posted by annierose on March 22, 2005, at 13:57:34
Thanks everyone. I am definitely calming down from it all (the adult me is, the little kids are having a much harder time calming down, it was so incredibly triggering and traumatic for them and i figured out why so at least that's good).
The issue of countertransference happened about 4 weeks ago in reaction to a very intense issue that came up with me (around issues of sexual abuse). it took her a couple of weeks to figure out what was going on with her. Then she suddenly set all these new boundaries and i was so upset and asked her why, and she explained to me the countertransference she had and her need to step way back and re-balance herself basically and that she realized that it was too hard for her to talk with me very much on the phone without the in-person sessions. she presented it as a permanent change. and i freaked out.
so that's what the countertrasnference was. not her boundary setting. her boundary setting was a result of her countertransference. that's partly why i felt so angry, b/c i felt like, it's not my fault that she had such a strong c-t reaction (which already caused her to not be very emotionally available during that time), so why did the result have to be something so painful for me?
anyway as i said i figured out why it was so incredibly painful for me, in short, when she took away my ability to call her even in a crisis, i felt totally unprotected and went straight to the place where i was as a child, with absolutely no protection. that's why i was so desperate that she at least give me the opportunity to call her for a check-in or even a crisis. it really was re-traumitizing for me, though i realize she didn't understand to the degree that it was hurting me. if it hadn't been permanent, the adult me could have stayed in charge, but when she said it was permanent, that's it, i was a vulnerable 5-year-old again.
so that's the story. the problem is my little kids inside are still very traumatized adnd i can tell them that my therapist didn't mean to do that, and i even told them it's my fault b/c the adult me just disappeared, it all happened so suddenly that i had no time to prepare, my kids just completely took over. but they don't care about those details. all they know is, this happened b/c **** went away and they don't ever want to trust her again.
how do you bring your little kids/inner voices in line with the adult you when they feel totally shattered by someone?
LG04
poster:LG04
thread:473495
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/474052.html