Posted by mair on February 15, 2005, at 22:03:18
In reply to Yikes! Now I've done it!, posted by Daisym on February 15, 2005, at 21:07:33
God Daisy, just last week my T and I were discussing Q's I ask her and my need for her to answer them. She said conventional wisdom with lots of Ts is that the answer to any more or less personal Q should be "why is it important for you to know?" She's never answered me in that way, although I guess I could come up with some Qs that might generate that response.
There are lots of answers your T could've given you that would have sidestepped the issue and that you would probably have accepted. But it seems to me, that he's probably trying to get you to talk about your fear of being the "too taxing" client that he would love to divest himself of.
When we feel needy, I think the fear that we're more than our ts really want to deal with, is pretty common. It quite literally took me a couple of years at least before I stopped feeling that way on a regular basis - sometimes I'd just reason that she wanted to get rid of me but couldn't because she knew it would trigger so much bad stuff; sometimes I reasoned that she had blinders on and if she had more perspective, she'd see that she would be much better off jettisoning me while she could - sometimes i thought maybe I should just make it easier for her and quit. Frankly, I still sometimes think she'd love to have an "out."
This is what he does for a living. If it were me, I'd prefer a more direct answer from him because I tend to need alot of reassurance; on the other hand, lots of time i can't take in those reassuring messages anyway.
As far as I can see, your T has proven over and over again, that he's equal to the kind of conversation he wants to have with you, and I think it probably is important for you to put all of your fears about this on the table.
I just don't see him disappointing you at all.
Let us know how it goes.