Posted by Daisym on February 15, 2005, at 21:07:33
I mentioned to my therapist last week that when he referred to having "a client at 6 and one at 7" it bothered me...not that I didn't know he had other clients.
Today I asked him, "So how many of 'me' do you see?" He smiled and said, "There is only one you..." OK, that was a nice answer - - I said Thank you -- and "you know what I meant." He said, "Tell me what you mean by 'me' " -- so I said stuff like another client who taxes you, someone who comes as much as me...that kind of client. He said I don't tax him, etc. etc. And I said, "But you still didn't answer the question."
He thought about it and then said, "This is one of those questions that I want to explore it more...why you are asking, what you imagine the answer would be, what you might feel if the answer was different from what you expected. Let's spend some time on it tomorrow, if you still want to." (Our time was almost up.)
I said, "why I'm asking seems easy -- there is only so much of you and if someone else needs you more, than it is easier for me to move over a bit, let someone else have more of you." (eyes filling with tears here)
Him: That sounds like a bad thing for you.
Me: Maybe it is a good thing for you.
Him: We are talking about you.
Me: No, we were talking about you, you just keep turning it around.
Him: Yes, but this is your therapy.
Me: Yes, it is also my question.
Him: We really need to explore this more. Why don't you think of the possible ways I could answer that question and how they make you feel. I want to understand what you are really asking me.
Now I'm panicked. How many ways are there to answer that question: 1) I have too many clingy clients (so I would worry about him falling apart or taking a long vacation to recoup) or 2) You are the only one who is so clingy (OH GOD -- I knew I was. I'm the nightmare client every therapist dreads and they all write about...)
Why did I ask this? What do I really need to hear? (Please be gentle...I'm so fragile right now.)